Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
My jaw clenched in agitation. It was obvious why they had singled me and Savannah out. But it wasn’t anger running through me. It was nerves. I was filled with a new emotion—fear. Fear that they were going to disapprove of us together.
I waited for Leo and Mia to speak. Savannah, clearly feeling my unease, squeezed my hand twice.
“We’ve asked you here,” Mia said, voice gentle, “as we’ve noticed some developments between you both.” I looked to Savannah. Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, but her head was held high, and it made me lose some of the discomfort I was feeling.
Leo leaned on the table. “This isn’t the first trip we’ve done, far from it. And it isn’t the first time we’ve had people fall for one another while away,” he said.
Panic, strong and true, flooded my body, and I found myself blurting, “I’m not staying away from her.” My heart beat fast as I readied for an argument.
Leo met my eyes. He didn’t look pissed at my interruption. I knew I probably sounded insolent, but Savannah had been the only good thing to happen to me so long. I wasn’t letting them split us up; I couldn’t. Not when the anger had finally fallen away and I could breathe. Not when I found someone who made me feel understood.
“We’re not asking you to, Cael,” he said calmly. “But we need to speak to you about what we expect from you both.”
“Okay,” Savannah replied, placing her free hand over our joined hands. Extra support. “We understand.” She nodded at me, urging me to hear them out too.
I exhaled a deep breath, releasing the panic that was running through me. “We can’t stop people from developing feelings for one another,” Leo said. “You are seventeen and eighteen, not small children. But we are here to help you with your grief, and what we worry about is your own progress being hindered by relying too much on one another and not on your personal journeys.”
“We ask that you adhere to the lessons and teachings that we require of you—as individuals,” Mia said. “And also,” she said and straightened, more authoritative in her seat, “we insist that you follow the rules and boundaries of the program. No sneaking off together. No sharing rooms. It’s therapy first, relationship second. Okay?”
My eyes dropped to the table. I didn’t like the sound of that, but I would never voice it aloud for fear they would interfere with me and Savannah.
“If you break these rules, we will be contacting your parents and it may compromise your place on this trip,” Leo added. My jaw clenched. I didn’t really care for the therapy. Right now, I just wanted Savannah. Therapy hadn’t helped me. She had in a matter of weeks.
“We won’t break the rules,” Savannah said. I said nothing.
That clearly gained Leo’s attention as he said, “Do you understand, Cael?”
“Savannah’s good for me,” I said, meeting his gaze. Leo listened intently, calmly. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. But I wanted him to understand. I swallowed, looked at Savannah’s wide eyes, then said, “I … I’ve told her about Cill.” My voice was croaky with how much energy that took me to say out loud. “And me …” I trailed off. “I’m feeling better. My anger isn’t as … controlling.”
“That’s great, Cael. We’ve noticed a positive change in you,” Mia said, sounding like she truly meant it. “And we want you to open up to your peers. They’re your biggest form of support on this trip. But we want you to confide in us too. We’re not your enemies. We want more than anything to help you. Both of you. We are worried that you’ll use each other as a crutch. It isn’t healthy, and no relationship can sustain or survive that. You both need to heal yourselves first and cannot forget that as you grow closer.”
“We won’t,” Savannah said, speaking for us both. “We’ll be respectful to you both and the program. We promise.” I felt her hard stare and met her blue eyes, reluctantly nodding in agreement.
“That’s all we ask,” Leo said after a pause. I knew he was watching me like a hawk. I knew he had caught my apprehension. But he seemed to let it rest when he tapped the tabletop and said, “Now that’s settled, let’s get some dinner.”
* * *
“Oh my goodness,” Savannah said as we watched a whale break through the surface of the water, then crash back underneath. The boat we were on rocked side to side, the air crisp and arctic around us. We were all bundled up in thermal clothes, piping-hot coffees in our hands. Our attention was glued to the water, whales cresting the water in the distance.
I’d never seen anything like this before. It all seemed so surreal. I kept blinking, feeling as though it would fade away, that we weren’t actually here in this place that felt like it was make-believe.