Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 124135 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 621(@200wpm)___ 497(@250wpm)___ 414(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 124135 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 621(@200wpm)___ 497(@250wpm)___ 414(@300wpm)
“You’re better than I am.” Lewis laughed. “It’s not easy for a composer to admit that. But it’s true…and it makes me so goddamned proud.” His voice broke off, and I had to grit my teeth together to stop the lump in my throat from growing. My pulse beat faster.
“I was selfish,” he said, his voice raspy. I gripped my bottle of Jack so tightly I was sure it would smash under my hand. Lewis ran his hand through his hair. “I was young and had the whole world at my feet.” He inhaled deeply, like he needed the break. “Your mama was someone I didn’t expect.” I dropped my eyes to stare at the floor. “She walked into my life like a tornado and knocked me on my ass.” My hand shook, the amber liquid sloshing around in the bottle. “And I fell in love with her. Not just a little bit either. She became my whole world.”
Lewis stopped speaking. His eyes were shut, his face pinched as if he was in pain. He kept his eyes closed as he said, “But I had my music…and I also had drink and drugs. Your mama didn’t know about that until later.” He patted his chest. “It was the emotions. They helped quell the emotions.”
I looked down at the Jack in my hand. I thought of how it was all I drank when I’d lost my dad. When it all became too much.
“My music was starting to get noticed, and the pressure built. And your mama stayed by my side, helping me by just being there and loving me.” I was frozen as he admitted that. I pictured my mum in my head. I tried to imagine her when she was young and carefree. She’d been so quiet and reserved my whole life. I struggled to understand her, but now I was starting to see it made sense. Lewis broke her heart. For the first time in years I felt like I knew her. Then I thought of Bonnie. Because Bonnie was that person for me. The one I let in. The one who helped me through the emotions when they became too much. The one who believed in me. The one who I’d tried to push away. But she’d stayed beside me. Right now, I felt sorry for Lewis, because he’d lost his Bonnie. My stomach fell as I thought of the distance between Bonnie and me now. The pain of it was unbearable.
“But the more the music consumed me, the more the alcohol and the drugs became the one real focus in my life.
“It went that way for months, until she found me with the drugs.” His face contorted, and his voice lost strength. “She begged me to stop, but I didn’t. I believed at the time I couldn’t, because of the music. But I was selfish. And it has been the biggest regret of my life.” He finally met my eyes. “Until I found out about you.”
“You left her pregnant?” I asked, the black, simmering anger I was feeling showing in my voice.
“I didn’t know she was pregnant at first,” he said. “I was an addict, Cromwell. And your mama did what was best for you both at the time. And that was not having me in your life.” Lewis ran his hand down his face. He looked exhausted. “I found out she was carrying you when she was six months along.”
“And?”
He met me square-on, let me see the shame in his eyes. “Nothing. I did nothing, Cromwell.” He blew out a shaky breath. “It was the biggest mistake of my life.” He leaned forward, and his gaze became lost on the stage. “My life was the music. It was all I had. Made myself believe it was all I had. Later, I heard your mama had met someone, a British Army officer, when she was pregnant. He’d been stationed over here in the States.”
I tensed. This was the bit that involved my dad.
“I found out she had moved to England to be with him. That they’d married…and that you’d been born. A boy.” He looked at me. “A son.” His voice cracked, and I saw the tears brimming in his eyes. “It killed me at the time, but like I did with everything else, I drowned the feeling in liquor and drugs.” He sat back in his seat. “I toured the world, playing packed-out theaters and creating some of the best music of my life.” He sighed. “I blocked it all out. Hardly ever went home.”
He clasped his hands together. “Until one day I did, to see a pile of letters. Letters from England.” My stomach flipped. “They were from your dad, Cromwell.” I fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. I pictured my dad, and all I could see was royal blue. I saw his smile and felt how it was to be around him. How he’d always made everything so much better. How he’d always prided himself on doing the right thing. He was the best of men.