Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 91212 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91212 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
The limited light is helpful enough that I can find the bed easily, stepping up to the side opposite of the lump his body forms.
Wordlessly, the blankets lift, an invite to join him, and my heart kicks up a notch as I climb into the bed. He stays silent as I shift my weight until I'm so close to him that I can feel the warmth of his body radiating outward toward mine. I find comfort in the heat, as if I've been searching for warmth my entire life and haven't had access to any until now.
I move my head closer, sharing his pillow, but I don't open my eyes. I can't take another rejection. Maybe he can sense that because when I curl my head forward, pressing against his chest, he doesn't tell me to keep my distance. He doesn't remind me that this can't happen.
He simply presses his lips to the crown of my head and drops his arm around my waist.
"I failed her," I whisper, tears running down my cheeks.
"There's nothing I can say right now that will make this better," he returns, and I hear in the way he says it that there's a chance he'd take it from me if he could. "I wish I could tell you that it'll get better, but I know it's going to get much worse before the healing can even begin. Sometimes, these things leave wounds that even time can't touch."
"I bet you've seen a lot of death in your time with ICE," I say, hoping for a distraction.
When he stays silent, I don't know if I should take it as agreement or rejection. I know there are things about his job he'd never tell me, and I can't be offended by that. I'm a job. Sadie's case wasn't handled by people who loved her, people who wanted her safe return, but I also know they didn't want this outcome. I just have to accept that this is another case for them. Of course, the best outcome would have been to find her alive. That's something to add to a portfolio for future clients. I hate the bitterness for the entire world that has somehow sunk its claws into my thoughts.
"My best friend, Noah, left Cerberus when I did," he begins. "I'd go so far as to say he left Cerberus because of me, although we both had our reasons. There are so many memories I have of the man. We went through the Marine Corps training together, on the buddy system, and even lucked out and were together for the entire time we were enlisted. I can still hear his voice, the way he bitched about sand in his ass two days after our boots hit the Middle East."
I shift my weight, not wanting to distract him, but needing to feel closer.
He shifts also, uncurling some so more of our bodies are lined up.
"Life was fun and games unless we were working. We worked hard and partied harder. When all the men at Cerberus started falling off like flies—"
"They died?" I gasp.
"No, not that kind of falling. One after the other, they fell in love. A woman would pop up and it was like they couldn't see anything else. Noah, Jax, Rob, and I vowed that we were never going to let a woman tie us down like that."
"But they did anyway," I predict.
His laughter shakes my entire body. "Jax and Rob kept their promises by falling for each other."
"Oh." Laughter escapes my lips. "And Noah?"
I feel his hesitancy in the way he shifts his body slightly, but he seems to settle when I press my palm to his chest.
"Noah fell in love with the wrong woman."
"She was bad?"
"Not bad, exactly," he begins, his hand running up and down my back in the most soothing way. "She was connected to bad people. She was raised differently than most. Nearly everyone is dedicated to family, but when there's fear of really bad things happening if that loyalty is questioned, it makes you approach things in a different way. She went about a situation the wrong way and it ended tragically."
"She died?"
I feel his answer in the deep inhale that expands his chest against my hand.
"And Noah, too?"
"Yeah," he says, pain in his tone. "And Noah, too."
My heart seizes for a man and woman I'll never have the chance to meet but I understand why he's telling me these things. He's not trying to one-up me. He isn't trying to tell me to suck it up, that life goes on despite our losses.
He's telling me he fully understands my loss. Noah was like a brother to him, and from his story, he was possibly much closer to that man than I've ever been to Sadie.
I inch in closer, taking comfort in the heat of his body as we just exist in each other's space.