Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 99381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
“No. I’m just mad at my brother. That’s all,” I say, placing my hand over hers. “But I’m sure I’ll feel better soon. When Hope’s back, let’s have a spa day.”
Ivy doesn’t seem to believe me but smiles anyway, nodding in agreement. She asks me about my date with Matthew, and I describe the very ordinary date I went on. A date that I’d been begging for as long as I can remember. And yet, in all of those hours with Matthew, my heart didn’t flutter, and my stomach didn’t drop, not until the one man I’ve sworn myself from showed up on my doorstep.
It doesn’t make any sense. I accused him of using me, but I know I’ve done the same to him. He has a right to be mad, but it doesn’t change the circumstances. Ford and I were never meant to be more, even if I want it.
Even if we hurt one another with our rejection of the other.
We’re just not meant to be together in that way.
It’s not until after I have a shower to calm down that I crawl into bed and cocoon myself in my blankets. I just want to hide from these spiraling, confusing thoughts. It feels like I don’t know left from right, right now, and it’s so fucking distracting. No matter how much I swore myself off him, I only keep thinking about him.
I stare at the bracelet on my side table and wonder if he took it so he had a reason to speak to me again. But that feels foolish. Ford isn’t the type to do something so juvenile. Then again, he bought me numerous jackets without so much as a card to let me know it was him.
My eyebrows furrow when I notice the bracelet looks different. Picking it up and inspecting it, I discover it’s not just a plain, dainty chain anymore. Attached are two charms: the tiniest little black heart and a small cat.
My heart sinks, and I want to cry.
Why is he doing this? Does his cruelty have no bounds?
I can’t keep going back and forth like this, and yet I know I’m part of the problem.
I might’ve forced his hand into wanting nothing to do with me, but deep down, I wanted him to fight for us. And then what?
Aren’t I the one being unfair since I’m not willing to take the risk and tell everyone about us?
Hadn’t he been the honest one all along while I pushed and demanded more than he was able to give me and more than I was willing to actually accept?
I close my eyes and release the bracelet back onto the side table, refusing to cry. I feel like all the fight has been sucked out of me. I don’t even know what I want anymore. It’s unreasonable to blame Ford when I had as much a part to play, but it’s so much easier pointing the finger at him than myself.
I’m coming to learn that falling for someone isn’t always a great thing. Sometimes it fucking hurts. And I’m not sure if I’ve hit rock bottom yet. And I don’t know how to climb out of this abyss.
CHAPTER 30
Billie
“So, how did the date with Matthew go?” Posie asks. I just finished work and thought I’d drop by their house for a few hours. It’s only four weeks until the wedding, and Posie seems as cool as they come; however, my brother appears high-strung, even when she tells him everything is going to be perfect.
“It went well. He said he’ll be in town next weekend and wants another date, but I can’t because we have Aunty Rya’s birthday.”
“Invite him,” she’s quick to say as we lounge in the living room. Bentley is playing in his bedroom with a new Lego set Dutton bought him. That kid is so spoiled now—in the best kind of way. He’s such a sweet kid and is still grateful for everything he’s given.
“Umm, no. I think I’ll be fine.” I wave her off.
“Do it. It’d be fun.”
I’m not sure how to tell her I’m not really comfortable bringing men around the family. Yes, Matthew met some of them at the last party, but he wasn’t there as my date. Bringing him to a family event would be a little bit weird and would involve a lot of explaining that I don’t really want to deal with.
My job has been a little stressful, and while I enjoy learning, I’m also exhausted almost every single day when I finish. I’d intended to leave work at five o’clock every evening, but I haven’t been getting out until closer to seven. So I’m basically working twelve-hour days, and the last thing I want to do is deal with questions from the family about the first man I’ve ever brought to meet them.