Total pages in book: 198
Estimated words: 186242 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 931(@200wpm)___ 745(@250wpm)___ 621(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186242 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 931(@200wpm)___ 745(@250wpm)___ 621(@300wpm)
So before I could think twice about what I was doing, what I was setting myself up for, I asked him, “Rhodes?”
“Yes?”
“Why didn’t you call or text me while you were gone?”
I was pretty sure I could hear my heart beating, it was so loud in the silence that came right after my question. Just this thud, thud, thud that rang between my ears as he stood there, looking in my direction. Part of me didn’t expect him to answer until he finally repeated in surprise, “Why?”
Maybe I should’ve saved the question for when it wasn’t three in the morning, but we were here, and I might as well get it out. “Yeah. Why? I thought . . . I thought there was something going on with us, but then I didn’t hear from you.” I pressed my lips together. “Now I’m in your bed and I’m confused with what’s going on. If it means anything.”
He didn’t say a word.
I cleared my throat though, figuring I might as well keep going. “I thought maybe you liked me. As in liked me, liked me. It’s okay if you don’t, if you changed your mind. If you’re just being this nice to me because you’re a good man, but I’d like to know if that’s the case. I’d still like to be your friend anyway.” I swallowed. “It just . . . kind of felt sometimes like we were dating, you know? Minus the physical stuff . . . I’m fucking this up, aren’t I?”
I heard him suck in a breath before saying, seriously, “We’re not dating.”
I wanted the floor to eat me up. I wanted to get up and walk out, or at least sleep in the living room and take my chances with the bat—
“I’m too old to be anybody’s boyfriend,” Rhodes said in that hoarse, solemn voice that carried so much weight in it. “But I do like you more than I should. More than you might feel comfortable with.”
He didn’t move, and neither did I. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest at his implications. Even my skin prickled.
“I wanted to call you, but I was trying to give you room.”
“Why?” I asked like he’d just said he liked eating mayonnaise straight from the jar.
His answer was a sigh followed by, “Because . . . I’ve been watching you grow for months. I don’t want to be something you grow around. You were with someone who gave you too much shade before, right? I’d rather us take our time than me stunt where you’re going, who you’re becoming.”
I could hear my heartbeat again.
“I know how I want you to feel, but I’m not rushing you. I know how I feel. I haven’t changed my mind about anything, especially not you. I only want you to be sure of what you want.”
I was breathing through my mouth loudly.
“Don’t mistake me giving you space as me not being interested. It’s not every woman I let into my bed, much less into my life, and even more into Amos’s life. Before you, it’d been nobody. So just because I don’t know what your mouth tastes like yet doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to. But Sofie would tell you I’ve got a big, fragile heart, and I think I do, so I need you to know what you want for my sake too, Buddy. Does that make it clear?”
I was having a heart attack. Maybe even melting. As tired as I was, I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to sleep next to that all night. He might as well have pinned me down and licked down my body, because I’d never heard anything more erotic or amazing in my life.
And I was sure he knew something was going on within me because I was panting and all I could get out was a breathy “Okay.” Real eloquent. Me who couldn’t shut up ever, who had basically asked for this, had no idea what to say other than “okay.”
Because . . . I knew how I felt too. And I might be more than a little halfway in love with him, I was pretty sure, but . . . he was right. It didn’t feel right yet. Some part of it. Maybe it was all just the physical aspect, but maybe I needed to be certain too. A part of me needed to tread with some caution. I didn’t want to get my heart broken again.
The truth was, I liked him even more for saying those words. For thinking that deeply. I liked him so much in so many ways.
And if we were both on the same page, then that was more important than anything else.
One day I’d know how his lips felt, but it didn’t have to be right at that moment, and that filled me with so much joy and playfulness I couldn’t help but smile, inside and outside. It renewed a need inside of me to win him over. To make him more than my friend.