Total pages in book: 198
Estimated words: 186242 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 931(@200wpm)___ 745(@250wpm)___ 621(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186242 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 931(@200wpm)___ 745(@250wpm)___ 621(@300wpm)
Her eyes had widened with every word out of my mouth but somehow circled back so that she ended up grimacing but making a thoughtful expression at the same time. “But you didn’t tell them about him because you’re embarrassed about it.” I wasn’t positive even she knew about how I’d written his songs. Jackie did because she’d overheard comments Yuki had made, but Clara had never brought up anything about it. Had Jackie told her? Had she put it together? I had no clue.
So I nodded and told her as quickly as possible about it, stressing mostly on how I hadn’t written anything new in nearly two years and how I hadn’t brought it up because I wouldn’t be able to help Am with his music in that way anymore.
She tilted her head to the side, and her expression wasn’t sad, but it was close. “You know, I get why they’d be upset, but at the same time, I understand why you didn’t want to tell them too. If I were in your shoes, I don’t know that I would either. At the same time, I always thought it was pretty cool you knew him in the first place, that you were together.”
I shrugged.
“But you told them about him in general, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, just never the specifics.” I blew out a breath and shook my head. “They wouldn’t even look at me, Clara. I know I kind of deserve it, but it really hurt my feelings. They found out because we stopped at this gas station and two of Kaden’s band members happened to stop at the same one and they tried to apologize for turning their backs on me. It was so dumb, and I feel like crap. The only reason I waited so long to tell them was because I wanted them to like me for me. And they did. And now it backfired.”
“I’m sure they are upset. He’s . . . Kaden Jones, Aurora. I saw him on a commercial last night. I think my jaw dropped when he had that first big hit and I realized you were together.”
I grunted, knowing exactly what song it was. “What the Heart Wants.” I’d written it when I was sixteen and I’d missed my life in Colorado so much still.
Clara reached over and grabbed my hand. “They’ll get over it. Those two love you. I don’t think they know how to function without you anymore. Give them some time.” I must have made a face because she laughed. “Why don’t you come over tonight? Stay with us? Dad was upset you didn’t come over Christmas Eve even though it wasn’t like anybody was able to go anywhere because of the snow.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, not wanting to picture myself sitting in the garage apartment all by myself for hours. Not with this feeling in my soul.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
I nodded at her. “Okay. I will. I’ll go get my things and then come over. Do you want me to bring anything?”
“Just you,” she answered. “Don’t beat yourself up too much. Nobody who knows you would ever believe you’d do something malicious.” Clara paused. “Unless they really asked for it.”
That was the first time I smiled all day.
My heart kept on feeling pretty heavy, despite Clara’s assurance I’d be forgiven.
I knew it was my fault. My pride had kicked the shit out of me, and that was the most frustrating part, that I couldn’t blame anybody else.
And my heart kept on hurting even more as I turned into the driveway and saw the ruts in the snow from wide tires. Because I knew what it meant. Rhodes was home.
As in, he’d literally just gotten home too. Seconds before me.
I knew that because I found him getting out of his truck as I pulled into the area that he’d plowed around my car Christmas morning when he’d dug us all out of the snow since the forecast hadn’t called for much more.
Reluctant hope kind of sprouted inside of me as I put my car into park and reached to grab my bag. But just as quickly as its little roots had sprouted, they shriveled up. He didn’t look at me. Not once as he slammed his door closed and stubbornly kept his attention straight ahead, refusing to focus down . . . or on me. I waited in my car, watching, hoping and praying he’d turn around and just . . . glance over.
But that wasn’t what happened.
I swallowed.
He didn’t need to do anything he didn’t want to.
He was mad at me, and I just had to live with it. Clara was right. He would eventually forgive me. I hoped. Amos, I wasn’t so sure about but . . . we’d figure it out. I hoped too. I really did owe them time at least to accept it and hopefully see things from my perspective . . . even if this was just about exactly what I’d wanted to avoid.