Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 76222 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76222 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 381(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
I was playing Russian roulette with the leader of the West Coast Cosa Nostra. But not even danger could sway rationalization or my need for self-preservation.
He curled his body around mine and kept his arm banded around my middle as if he was afraid I’d leave.
Didn’t he know I’d rather die?
“Stay with me tonight,” I whispered, not sure if I even said it out loud. After a moment of comfortable silence, Gio kissed the crown of my head.
“Resterò con te per sempre, cara mia.”
I repeated the words over and over in my head so I could look them up tomorrow.
I’ll stay with you forever, my beloved.
19
GIO
I lay beside Tatiana, the warmth of her body pressed against mine, making me feel alive. The feeling of her soft breaths moving along my chest had my heart feeling a little lighter.
My heart pounded not from what we’d just shared but from how Tatiana made me feel.
She stirred, stretching her lean, perfectly smooth, and warm body against mine. I ran my hand up and down her back, and she tipped her head to look into my eyes.
Her expression held a mix of curiosity and concern, and I felt myself tense at the weight of the conversation I knew was coming.
“Gio,” she began, her voice a gentle whisper.
I kept running my hand up and down her back, giving her the time she needed to ask what she wanted. I knew this moment was bound to happen, and I would’ve been lying if I didn’t admit it gave me a mix of anxiety. Because I’d never spoken of my childhood shit with anyone. And what scared me the most was that I wanted to share that part of myself with Tatiana.
“Why do you fight in the underground cage matches?”
I stared at the ceiling and contemplated how I’d answer.
“Why do you go by D'yavol?”
I used my other hand to smooth my palm over my face. After taking a deep breath, I allowed the memories I usually kept buried to claw their way to the surface. Tatiana deserved to know. She needed to understand the darkness that lived within me because I wasn’t letting her walk away.
“It's not something I’ve talked about before,” I started, still staring at the ceiling, my voice void of emotion. “Not with anyone—”
“I don’t want you to share what you’re not comfortable—”
“But you... you deserve to know the truth.”
Her hand found mine, pulled it closer, intertwined our fingers, and rested them on my chest, and I stayed silent for long moments.
“My father,” I began, the words tasting bitter and vile on my tongue, “he trained me at a young age to handle pain and violence.” She squeezed my hand. “He was a monster. A cruel, sadistic bastard who took pleasure in beating me because he thought it was the only way to make sure I didn’t grow up to be weak.”
“I’m sorry.”
I gritted my teeth at her words. They pissed me off, not because she said them but because having anyone pity me was like a hot poker in my chest.
“He left scars, both on my body and in my mind.” I lifted my arm, and our hands broke apart as I stared at my tattoos. “The ink… they're there to hide the marks he left behind. To cover the reminders of the pain and violence.”
Tatiana stayed silent, letting me spit this vile shit out.
“I fight because I need an outlet for the darkness inside me, the monster that has a hold on me. For the rest of my fucking life, that motherfucker will live inside me.” Memories of my father beating me with his hands, belt… hell, anything he could use… played through my mind. “When I step into that cage, when I become D'yavol, I can unleash all the anger, all the rage that festers within me.” She rose so she could fully look at my face, and I stared into her beautiful blue eyes. “It's a way to keep my monster at bay. To stop it from consuming me entirely.”
She traced her fingers over the lines of one of my tattoos on my chest, her touch soothing and grounding me.
“But you—” I felt this uncomfortable and unusual tightening in my chest. “—Tatiana, you’ve brought something different into my life. Something I never thought I’d experience. Something I never thought a bastard like me would get to feel.” My expression softened as I cupped her face and smoothed my thumb along her cheek. “You've brought light. And for the first time in my godforsaken life, I’ve found something that penetrates the darkness.” I felt my entire body shake from the force of that realization. “You keep the monster at bay.”
“Gio—” Her voice broke.
My gaze stayed locked with hers. “And because of that, Tatiana, I won't ever let you go. You're mine, cara. Every part of you. I won't ever let anyone take you away from me.” I pulled her back into me, keeping her close as I let the thoughts I’d never uttered to another person spill out of my mouth. “You belong to me, and I to you. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”