Total pages in book: 149
Estimated words: 146548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 733(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 146548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 733(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
You tell me.
I shake my head once, confused. It’s not like Xander to draw attention to himself, but I’m witnessing so much hurt twisting up his face. And I step forward. “Xander?”
His chest rises and falls heavily. “So you didn’t knock on Easton Mulligan’s door and accuse him of taking my meds?”
Christ. “Xander—”
“Fuck you,” he says. And that rips me open, but he can’t see. Tears gather in his reddened eyes while I build barriers between me and my emotions.
I want to protect him, but I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve needed to protect him from something I did. From my choice, his mistake.
Our mistakes—I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.
“You’re my brother,” Xander says like that word means life itself. He pushes the longer strands of his hair back, and I step one more foot closer.
He grew another inch this summer. We’re the same height now, but I look at him and I just see my fragile little brother. And this is not what I wanted for him.
This is not how I saw things going.
I don’t have a chance to speak yet; he’s still getting it out.
“How could you even…?” His chin quakes. “…why wouldn’t you…” His face is beet-red, and Jane nears us like she’s about to put her arms around him.
Xander points his phone at her, the one in his death-grip. “Don’t.”
She skids to a stop. A couple feet from me.
“I don’t need you two doing that thing you do,” he says in short breaths, “where you act like you’re the big siblings who want to protect us.”
“What you did was wrong,” I say, my throat swollen. “And I am trying to protect you. I can’t change that.”
“I know what I did was wrong!” Xander screams and chokes on his words. “And I hate myself for it. And what are you even trying to protect me from?” He inhales sharply. “Myself? You can’t protect me from myself. It’s up here.” He points to his head. “It’s in here.” He jabs his cell to his chest. “It’s bigger than you or me. And you should have just…” His voice cracks. “…you should have come to me first. Not a kid down the street. Fucking…” He puts his hands on his head and glares at the night sky.
“I’m so sorry, Summers,” I say, my hand outstretched to him. He’s fighting tears that threaten to fall, and it hurts to watch. Hurts to speak, but I control everything for him. He doesn’t need me to scream and sob. “I should have confronted you. I should’ve, but it’s a heavy accusation. And I was fucking afraid. If you were supplying kids with drugs—”
“I stopped,” Xander says, pained. “That’s over.” But he suddenly frowns, head hanging in a weighted thought. “You’re going to tell Dad.” It’s not a question.
“No,” I say. “You said it’s over. I believe you.”
“But what if I don’t believe you,” he says and walks backwards towards the saloon. He grinds down on his teeth and rubs his forearm to his watery eye.
I try to follow.
“No. I can’t—I don’t want to be around you,” he cries. He’s crying.
I nod stiffly. “Alright.” I almost sway back, and Farrow nears me—and I shake my head at him. If he touches me, I will burst open and probably scream or cry or both. He’s the only one that can make me come undone, and I’m not unraveling in front of all the teenagers.
Luna jogs across the deck to reach Xander. Her light brown hair whipping behind her, and she’s still doing the plain outfit thing, no thanks to her asshole boyfriend. But Luna didn’t invite Andrew on the trip. You should know that our dad hates him just as much as me, and he hasn’t even met Andrew yet. Or seen how pushy and undercutting he is.
I met him once and I almost punched him after he told my sister, “You’re so much prettier when you don’t swing your arms when you walk.” Even though she doesn’t see him as much, Luna said that I wasn’t allowed to hang with them anymore. So there’s that fallout. I’m just doing great with my siblings lately.
Perfect big brother.
The best, let me tell you.
I watch Luna hug Xander, and his body shudders against her gangly frame. And then Kinney climbs out of the hot tub in a black one-piece swimsuit. My youngest sister joins Luna and Xander, and they all leave into the main saloon. Glass doors sliding closed behind them.
I blink. Those are my three siblings.
All the Hales.
And I’m left here. I hurt him. I hurt him. I crack my taut neck, pressure on my chest.
“Maximoff,” Farrow breathes.
I turn to face my boyfriend, chatter starting back up around the main deck. “You told me this would happen,” I whisper, rubbing my knuckles. I see how he wants to take my hand in his hand. I see how he wants to bring me to his chest. It hurts even more to not draw closer, to not let him touch me, but I also can’t—not here.