Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 98965 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98965 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
I felt guilty for not trying harder with Kelly. Maybe that wasn’t rational. Maybe nothing I could have done as a teenager would’ve helped. But I hadn’t even tried.
Seeing similar cuts on Caitlyn’s arm made me see her as something more than a bad person who was holding me hostage. I saw Kelly in her. I saw her pain.
So I considered a different tack. “Why … why is my friendship so important to you?”
“Isn’t mine important to you?” Her lower lip trembled with hurt.
I sidestepped her question. “I asked you first.”
She considered this. “I’d met some famous people in LA before you. I looked up to them, admired them, but they were assholes. They thought they were better than me, than everyone. When I found out who you were when we worked at Curiosity, I was so shocked. You were so fair to everyone. I mean, you were a little intimidating because you’re a total boss lady, but I admired that. You helped me switch careers. You supported me. The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to be your friend. You grew up with this amazing family who loved you, and people respected you. And when you befriended me and took me under your wing, I thought …” She brushed impatiently at a tear that fell down her cheek. “I thought that meant I must be worth something.”
Caitlyn was lost. I knew what lost was like, but this was lost on a whole other, extremely painful level. I believed she could find herself again, but she needed help. And she wouldn’t get that help if she went to prison for holding me hostage at gunpoint in a storage facility.
I realized to get through to her, I needed to be honest with her. Vulnerable, even. Tell her things that I wouldn’t tell her under normal circumstances. “My life isn’t perfect. I have a good life, but it’s not what you think it is. And I’m not a perfect person you should put up on some kind of pedestal.”
“Right,” she scoffed.
Anger flared in my gut, but I shoved it down. “You think because my parents are famous and we had money that it made our lives perfect? My parents love me, I know that, but they didn’t raise me, Caitlyn. A series of nannies did. And when Allegra came along, I was ten years old, and I began to parent her, so I never really had a normal childhood on multiple levels. I had to see my parents’ relationship splashed across the tabloids because the world didn’t want to believe they were so in love. I had friends gossiping at school about whether my mom was cheating on my dad. I had friends jerking off to photos of my mom. Tell me that’s not weird.”
Her lip curled with a flicker of amusement.
“I had a mother who loved me but made me feel fat and ugly with her constant need to mold me into a mini version of her.”
Caitlyn’s amusement died.
“I had boyfriends who only dated me to get to my father and made me feel worthless when they were finished with me. I had friends betray me.”
Her gaze lowered.
“And because of that, I built up walls and shut out everybody. Including my family. And I almost lost someone I love because I didn’t know how to tear down those walls once they were up. When I did, strangers splashed photographs of me all over the internet and picked apart my appearance and questioned why the guy I love loves me back. Half of them are rooting for me, and the other half want it to fall apart just so they’ll have something juicy to read on the way to work the next morning. Do you know what it’s like to fall in love with the whole world watching and waiting for you to be humiliated again? My life is not perfect, and I’m far from perfect. But I choose to focus on what makes my life good. So should you. Because you’re worth something to this world without my approval or my friendship.”
“So you did abandon me,” she whispered. “You deliberately abandoned me.”
“You betrayed me when you slept with Lucas,” I explained gently. “I didn’t want to be friends with you anymore.”
Her look singed me to the bed. “Isn’t that a stupid thing to say to someone with a gun?”
I pushed through my fear. “You’re not going to shoot me.”
“I might.”
“No, you won’t.”
Desperate tears filled her eyes. “I might!”
And I knew at that moment that she wouldn’t. “Caitlyn—”
“It’s Ariella!”
“No, you’re Caitlyn. That little girl who has fought through so much to still be here deserves to be acknowledged. Don’t abandon her.”
I knew almost immediately I’d pushed too far, and my heart lurched in my throat as she pushed off the bed, pointing the gun in my face. “You don’t know shit! You’re trying to confuse me with lies! But we’re the same! We’re the same!” Tears streaked down her face, and I was terrified. Terrified she’d pull that trigger.