Total pages in book: 19
Estimated words: 17792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 89(@200wpm)___ 71(@250wpm)___ 59(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 17792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 89(@200wpm)___ 71(@250wpm)___ 59(@300wpm)
When I am done I simply hang my head and cry, heaving from yet another release of guilt but also because now he knows all we had planned is over. I expect him to rage at me for lying to him or something, hell I welcome it right now. Instead he sits on the bed, pulls me into his arms and rocks me until I stop crying. I feel his tears following mine on my arms and it makes me cry harder.
“How could you not tell me for three months, August? How could you keep me in the dark about something this important?” Wiping my face but not leaving his arms I give him the truth.
“I didn’t want you to relive this, Dec. I was trying to protect you,” I tell him hiccupping through the words. His body tense and then he releases me and jumps from the bed.
“That is not your decision to make. It should have been up to me, August.”
“I know but I also know you would have tried to take it all on like we did as kids and you..”
“IF I CAN’T BE THERE FOR YOU WHAT GOOD AM I THEN?” he yells those words to me, pulling at his hair, and it is the first time I realize that to him, he is my warrior. I mean, he was always my protector, you know. He walks behind me or holds my hand with one hand at my back when we walk down the street. He stands behind me in line at the store. He gets out of the car first and then takes my hand. He moves me to the inside of him when walking through the parking lot, so I am away from oncoming cars. He protects me like a man who knows what he has, but now I realize he believes himself to be my dragonslayer, and that is something I cannot let him put on himself. No one can do that.
“Declan, no. You cannot make this go away.” He turns to look at me, and the tears in his eyes crush me. He sits on the bed beside me and holds my face in his hands. His lips touch mine so softly that it’s almost a whisper, but it is enough to convey what he is trying to tell me.
“I may not be able to make it go away, but I can be there for you. So, I want your schedule for your treatments and appointments so I can take the time off.”
“Dec no. You have a business to run.” He looks at me like I just stole from him.
“My woman needs me, and I am going to be there. As a matter of fact, I am going to take a leave of absence. Kerry can run things for a while. That’s why I hired him. Now tell me, what the schedule?” Shaking my head, I have to smile at his stubbornness. I love this man. I don’t know how the hell I thought I was going to survive without him.
CHAPTER 12
DECLAN
ONE MONTH LATER
The love of my life is sick as hell and it's breaking my heart. I can’t stand watching her like this, but this isn’t about me. She was starting to lose her hair, and every day I saw the toll that it took on her. Eventually she saved it off to save the heartache of having it all fall out. She used to have long, ginger locks that shone in the sun. I’ve spent many hours running my fingers through it, But now, it’s all gone, and she's started wearing a hat to cover her head.
I try not to compare her to my mom but it's hard not to. Watching her get sick or cry out in the middle of the night reminds me Mom more and more. I spent all morning with my Dad reminiscing about Mom. We cried when I told him about August. He told me that he didn’t know what to say to Mom as she was dying so he just kept telling her how much he loved her, and he thanked her for loving him too.
August and I are end game. If she dies, I know that I will too. This is becoming as tragic as Romeo and Juliet.
As I watch August struggle with her illness, I can't help but wonder if I'll lose her too. It's a thought I can't bear, and I push it away as quickly as it comes. Taking care of her, making sure she's comfortable and loved, is all I can do for now. And I'll do it with all my heart. She never left my side when my mom was dying, and I won't leave hers. Ever.
I know it's not just the physical changes that are affecting her. She's also dealing with the emotional toll of battling a cancer. Some days, she's upbeat and hopeful, and others, she's quiet and withdrawn. I try to be there for her in whatever way she needs, whether it's holding her hand or giving her space. She’s always seemed invincible to me going through this and there is nothing I can do to ease her pain or her burden.