Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 75388 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 377(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75388 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 377(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Okay, mentally I’ll bitch, but I won’t say a thing aloud.
I know it’s rough right now. I know Hassen’s on shakier ground than ever before, so maybe that’s why he’s deliberately avoiding me. He’s an exile, and I’m the only single female left. And with all that’s going on, relationship stuff should be the least of our problems. But I still wish he was cuddling next to me by the fire, keeping me warm like Rokan is keeping Lila warm. And I know he has to be hurting, too. Not just physically, but mentally. Everyone is. You can only be strong for so long before you crumple on the inside.
I know this. When our parents died, I took over being both Mom and Dad to Lila so she wouldn’t feel the lack. I pushed hard to be everything to her, and I think I ended up needing her more than she needed me. Maybe that’s why I’ve struggled so much here on the ice planet while she’s thrived. I’d made her my purpose in life, and now she no longer needs me, so I’ve had to find a new purpose.
I just…haven’t entirely found it yet. And I’m worried that with Hassen, I’m just latching on to a new person to make my ‘project,’ as horrible as that sounds. But I guess I shouldn’t trust my judgment about relationships on a day when a volcano exploded and made everyone homeless. I’m probably freaking out and overreacting, just like everyone else.
But I also can’t sit here. I need to talk to Hassen, if only to make sure he’s coping all right. Some of the sa-khui are completely losing their shit, and I don’t blame them. This is all they’ve ever known, and it’s gone.
I get to my feet, pretending to stretch, and then step away from the fire. Lila gives me a concerned look, but I wave her off. I’m restless and need to get up and move around. Everyone’s all huggy by the fire, and while it’s sweet, it’s also making me feel lonely. I watch the three figures on the horizon and then move to the food and water skins that have been gathered from the hunter caves. It’s a lot of trail mix and dried jerky, neither of which I’m a fan of. Time to learn to enjoy it, though. I get a pouch of each and then hike through the ash and snow toward Hassen, Bek, and Warrek.
Bek gets to his feet as I approach, warning in his gaze. “Now is not the time. Go sit with the humans by the fire.”
I look at Warrek’s slumped shoulders, and my heart breaks for him a little more. “I brought food and water in case you guys were hungry.”
At the sound of my voice, Hassen goes alert and turns around.
“No one is hungry,” Bek says.
Hassen ignores Bek. He gets to his feet and approaches me, and as he does, I hold out the pouch of food and the half-frozen water-skin. Did I think Hassen was giving me a brush-off? I must be insane, because the devouring, hungry, possessive stare in his eyes as he looks me over? Yeah, that pretty much puts all my fears to rest.
He doesn’t take the food, though. He just curls my hands around it and gives them a little squeeze. “You should eat.”
I snort. “Pretty sure I can miss a meal or two. I brought it for you and your friend.” I almost ask if he’s okay, but that’s a stupid question. His home collapsed and his dad died. He’s not okay. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“You can go back to the fire,” Bek says, surly. He takes a step forward and he’s standing in front of Warrek. He’s being protective of his friend, I get it. I’m not even annoyed.
Hassen is, though. He bares his teeth at Bek and pulls me protectively against him, his arm going around my shoulders. “Mah-dee is trying to help.”
“It’s okay. Really.” I put a hand around his waist, and I don’t know if it’s to comfort him or me. “I just wanted to check on you guys. Make sure you’re okay.”
“You’re cold,” Hassen says, placing his hand over mine where I press it against his side. “I will come back to the fire and warm you. There are not enough blankets to go around—”
“No, stay here with your friend,” I say in a soft voice. “He needs you. I didn’t come to pull you away. I just…well, I don’t know what I wanted.” I’m just being needy and now is not the time. I’m kind of ashamed of myself for distracting them, and I feel like Bek’s look of displeasure in my direction is sadly appropriate. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better. Take it easy if your head hurts, okay?”