Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 115833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
Without another word, Lew cupped the back of my head and brought my forehead to his chest. That’s when I broke down completely. His body was my home, and I loved being there. No one wanted their home to crumble—to deteriorate and vanish. It was unfair.
No one else could comfort me like he could.
No one else could embrace and accept me through every single one of my flaws like my husband could.
There was no way he was leaving me. No way at all. He was alive and breathing. How could such a beautiful life be stripped away from him?
I swear, it’s always the best people who are dealt the worst situations.
“I love you,” he whispered into my hair. He said it again while stroking my arm, but I noticed how hard that was for him to do. I could hear the strained noises in his chest, feel the rigidness of his movements. Even while sick, he wanted to comfort me.
“I love you, too, Lew Boo,” I finally whispered.
I’m not sure when we fell asleep that night, but when I woke up, a stretch of sunlight was spread across the bed, and its warmth lingered on my face. My eyes were still tight and raw from crying, and my heart ached at the sheer reminder of our conversation.
I turned to Lewis, who was still sleeping, and snuggled closer to him. I kissed his upper arm, then shifted upward to kiss his cheek. I remained nestled against his body . . . but it only took me several seconds to realize he wasn’t breathing.
“Lew?” I sat up, giving his shoulder a shake.
I pressed an ear to his chest, waiting for that heartbeat I loved hearing every night.
Nothing.
I listened harder, but his chest was hollow, empty. Not a single thump.
“Lew!” I tapped his face rapidly, and when that didn’t make him budge, I shook him by the shoulder again. “Lew, no. Please, get up. Lew. Get up! Oh, God! Wilmer! Get in here! Please!” I didn’t stop shaking my husband. “Open your eyes, baby, please. Lewis, please!”
The bedroom door burst open, and Wilmer rushed in. “Davina? What is it? What happened?”
I tried answering him—I did—but my chest felt like it was caving in, and my heart was in my throat. The ache inside me was raw and deep, and it sliced me in two because I knew exactly what was happening. I knew it but couldn’t fathom speaking the truth.
All that talk from him about moving on, about me being happy . . .
No. Why did I fall asleep? Why didn’t I stay awake with him? All I could think was that I could’ve prevented this if I’d just been awake—if I’d gotten up to check on him.
“Please do something, Wilmer!”
Wilmer checked for Lew’s pulse by the wrist and then switched to his neck. When he lowered to a squat and studied Lew’s body with misty eyes, he gave his head a deliberate shake and said, “I’m sorry, Davina.”
It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be true. I looked from Wilmer to Lewis. He looked like he was sleeping. He had to be sleeping . . . right?
“Lewis, please.” A sob rocked my entire body. “Please, baby. Don’t do this. I need you. Please don’t leave me.”
The sound that ripped out of my throat was one I’d never heard before. Never in my life had I felt so much pain, so much hurt. I’d lost my daddy, yes, but I was so young and clueless then. I didn’t fully understand what I’d lost until I was older.
But Lewis was my partner and my better half. Can you imagine half your heart being ripped out of your chest? The other half keeps beating, but it’s damaged beyond repair, and not a damn thing can mend it.
You’re hopeless this way. You fold into yourself and are left with no choice but to feel every wave of emotion, every clench of the belly, every halted breath as you slowly wish for the oxygen to leave your lungs, because what’s the point of breathing anymore? It feels like you’ll never survive such agony—like you’ll never recover . . . like you’re dying too.
I dropped my head onto my husband’s chest. I don’t know when I stopped crying that day.
My safety.
My rock.
My best friend.
My everything.
He was gone, and I was completely shattered.
TEN
DAVINA
I gasped, springing up in bed as I scanned my bedroom.
It was dark. My heart was pounding. My throat felt like sandpaper.
I was searching for someone. Searching for Lew.
I reached for the water on my nightstand and guzzled some of it down. With a wet gasp, I pressed my back to the headboard and dug the heels of my palms into my eye sockets, fighting the memories and controlling my breaths.
Breathe, Vina. Just breathe. You’re home. You’re safe. Just breathe.