Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 88807 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88807 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
He pulls the showerhead from its mount, tipping my head back to rinse out the shampoo. It feels so good. Under any other circumstances, I would love this. Being taken care of, cherished. Not to mention how good it feels physically. Having my hair washed has always been my favorite part of going to the salon for a cut.
When he speaks, his voice is surprisingly soft, in contrast with his words. “Life, in general, doesn't mean much to me. I don't know if that's how I was born or how I was trained to think. Regardless of the reason, that's how I manage it. One life out of so many others. What difference does it make?”
Once he finishes rinsing my hair, he replaces the showerhead before reaching for a loofah. I wish I had it in me to laugh at how silly he looks, drenched from head to toe, his suit clinging to him. He might even be sexy under the right circumstances, but these are not those circumstances.
“Besides,” he continues while soaping up my back. “You said it yourself. He wasn't much of a father. The man I am now is who he created. Consciously, at that. He knew what he wanted from a son. When I didn't deliver, he decided I was disposable. I doubt anyone would blame me for neglecting to shed a tear over his death.”
I see the truth in this, and I completely understand why he'd feel that way. After everything his father's done, he has every right to feel nothing now that he’s dead.
Still, this is the man I'm now bound to for the rest of my life, whether I like it or not. “What's bothering you?” he asks when I shudder.
“It's just...” I turn slowly, and not because the front of my body needs washing, too. “What happens if you get tired of me?”
“That would never happen.”
“You can say that now. Nobody ever plans on getting tired of someone. How do I know that will really be the case with us? Five, ten years from now, will you kill me?”
He's not amused anymore. Setting the loofah aside, he places his hands on either side of my face. “Siân. I need you to understand this because I will only say it once. Nothing in this entire world matters but you. I would walk away from this house and the land it sits on and the country in which that land is located, never to return. I could walk away from everyone I've ever known. I could give up every penny and start fresh. It doesn't matter. I am tied to nothing.”
He leans in. “Nothing except you. And if you told me to walk away from everything and everyone I've ever known this minute, I would turn off that water, put on some dry clothes, and walk away with your hand in mind. Always with you. You are the only thing I need in life and all I've ever wanted. You are the one good, true thing that exists. Nothing and no one will ever take your place because you are the only person who's ever made me feel anything more than boredom or, worse, emptiness.”
He presses a hand to the small of my back, pulling me close until I'm flush with his ruined suit. It's not the suit I'm thinking of. It's his warmth, his solidness, the strength. The strength I need so desperately now when I've never felt so weak and lost. “I would lay down my life for you. I would destroy anyone who stands in the way of your happiness, your health, and your safety. No question. You're all I live for. You're all I will ever need. I could as soon live without my heart as I could live without you.”
I want to believe that. I want it so much. And when he looks at me like he is and touches me the way he's begun to do, his hands sliding over my wet skin, I feel how much he wants me. I know the intensity of his desire. But is that enough? I can only hope it is. Because my heart belongs to him, and only him. And that scares me more than anything.
I feel him stirring against me and look down to find him growing erect.
“You see the evidence of what you do to me,” he observes with a chuckle. “To show you how sincere I am, I'll take it easy on you tonight. No need to consummate our marriage just yet.”
That does nothing to satisfy the hunger growing in me. It comes as no surprise, wanting him after everything we've been through tonight. It's the effect he has on me. There's nothing I can do about it.
I take his lapels in my fists, straining against him. “I just want to be close to you. I need you.”