Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Emersyn springs to her feet and helps Suzanne up before I get the chance to do it.
“Stop being such a spoilsport, Zach. Life is too short to worry about a bit of dust or a few water stains on the shower door.” Suzanne playfully narrows her eyes at me.
I love this woman so much. That’s why I keep smiling despite my thoughts. Sorry. My bad. I just assumed that’s why we hired her. Again, I was so very wrong.
While the two women get cozy in the nook by the window overlooking rows of garden beds, I serve them eggs Benedict and fresh-squeezed orange juice. Emersyn tracks my every move. I’m not sure if I make her nervous or if she’s never seen a guy make eggs Benedict. Suzanne winks at me when I hand her a cup full of vitamins, her pain meds, and a tall glass of filtered water to go with them.
As if she can read Emersyn’s mind, she pats the empty seat between them, beckoning me to sit. “Zach has always been a good cook, but he took it to the next level when I was diagnosed with cancer the first time.”
“It’s good. Really good,” Emersyn mumbles over a mouthful of food.
My wife smiles and takes my hand, bringing it to her lips for a soft kiss. “He is the best. I’m a lucky and loved woman.”
Matching her smile, I swallow more emotion brought about by her tiny verbal reminders that things are coming to an end for us.
“Who has the green thumb?” Emersyn nods out the window to the rows of raised flowerbeds and vegetable gardens.
“Suzanne. The jungle is all her. The garden. Everything that has life … it’s her.”
While addressing Emersyn’s question, I don’t miss Suzanne flinching at my words. We’re good at tiptoeing around reality while leaking our emotions into benign comments. She is truly the person in this house that gives it and everything else life. I don’t know what I will look like without her. Will I even see my own reflection in the mirror? Or will I feel so hollowed out that I’m nothing but a ghost of the man I am now? An empty jar with tiny cracks and a lost lid. Useless.
“Zach is a good student. There is nothing he won’t do or try to do. He’s spent hours reading botany books so he can take care of my plants on my bad days. He watched YouTube videos to learn how to give me a perfect pedicure. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I swear he was on his way to earning a medical degree so he could have intelligent conversations with the doctors about my treatment.”
I know it’s not her intention, but I hate when she makes me sound like a saint. I’m far from it, just an ordinary man who loves his wife. It’s what my dad has always been to my mom.
“So … you and Brady … is it serious?” Suzanne makes a quick change of subject. I love her for that. “Is marriage in your future?”
I’m not into girl talk, but my wife is addicted to love stories, romance, and gossip. When she and her sister, Michelle, discuss their favorite reality TV shows, that’s my cue to get out of the house.
“I hope not.” Emersyn stares at her plate while relinquishing a nervous laugh.
“Oh, Em … don’t tell me you’re wasting time with a guy who isn’t worthy of you.”
I can’t shovel my breakfast down fast enough and get out of here.
“Not every guy is a Zachary.” Emersyn’s lips pull into a sheepish grin as her eyes turn to me for all of two seconds.
Great. She, too, thinks I’m better than I am when I’m just good at hiding my flaws. My biggest one is loving too hard and losing a sense of control and a grip on reality. I want my love to be some magical solution to everything, but it’s not.
“True.” Suzanne rubs her foot against my calf. “All the more reason to weed out the ones who are not up to par. I don’t know Brady that well, but he’s always seemed nice.”
“Brady is nice,” Emersyn says, but there’s little enthusiasm behind her words. “And honestly, it might be me. I might not be worthy of him. He’s focused on where he’s at right now and where he wants to go in the future. He’s chasing his dreams, and I’m still just dreaming without direction. And I’m fine with that. It just makes us feel incompatible most of the time. However, I do like him, and whatever we have seems to work for now. So why walk away if neither one of us has anything better at the moment? We’re … useful to each other right now.” Emersyn drops her gaze to her plate again as she moves her food around with her fork, lips twisted as if she’s figuring something out.