Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 93307 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 373(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93307 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 373(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
Now that I’m finally done hyperventilating, it’s time to fill my best friend in on the situation at large.
Me: Well, I’m here, but be glad you’re not. Our condo got overbooked!
Her response comes in record time.
Anna: What? What do you mean “overbooked”?
Me: I have a roommate.
Anna: You’re rooming with some stranger??? Katy, what the fuck? Do you have some kind of Dateline fantasy you’ve never shared with me?
Me: He’s technically not a stranger, but I’m not sure I wouldn’t have been better off with one.
Anna: Listen, honey, I’m on an unhealthy amount of DayQuil, so you’re going to have to spell it out for me or else I’ll just chalk this up as hallucinations.
Me: Mack Houston is technically my roommate. Mack Houston is technically not a stranger. Mack Houston is technically in more danger of me strangling him than the other way around, I think.
Anna: SHUT THE FUCKING FRONT DOOR.
Me: Yeah.
Anna: How in the hell did that happen?
Me: I have no idea! They overbooked the condo somehow!
I can hear the sound of my whining voice in my own head as I type.
Her next three texts come in at a rapid-fire pace.
Anna: They overbooked the condo with the one person in the whole wide world you can’t stand? You’re the math person…what are the statistics on something like that happening?
Anna: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Anna: You and Mack Houston? In the same condo? I’m sorry, but I can’t stop laughing!
A deep sigh escapes my lungs as I type out a response.
Me: It’s not that funny.
Anna: I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s not funny. It’s FUCKING HILARIOUS.
Me: You’re the worst best friend, you know that?
Anna: So, what’s the situation? Are you both staying??
Me: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yes. Customer service refunded us, so it’d be insane for either of us to give up a free vacation.
Anna: Man, when I told you to bang someone on vacation, I certainly didn’t think it would end up being Mack Houston.
Me: I AM NOT GOING TO BANG MACK HOUSTON.
Anna: I wouldn’t blame you if you did. That man is a serious treat. He’s like a muscle-clad sundae with hot fudge and whipped cream and cherries and sprinkles on top. I’d bet my right tit he has a big cock and he’s REALLY good with his mouth…
Me: Being one-titted is a hefty bet to make on something you have no idea about!
Anna: Oh, I know. I just have a sense for these things. And Mack Houston isn’t just a pretty face, honey. He knows how to make a woman come.
Me: I think you need to lay off the DayQuil.
Anna: And I think you need to get up close and personal with our coworker and let me know if my suspicions are right. Come on, it’s perfect. Finally, you’ll have an outlet for all that pent-up aggression. You don’t have to be best friends…just be best frenemies!
Me: Best frenemies? Jesus.
Anna: That’s right, baby. Hate fuck the shit out of that hot man and then come back to school like nothing happened. It’s genius! The ultimate revenge for the years of torture you’ve received at his hands.
Me: I’m just realizing our brains work veryyy differently. How are we best friends?
Anna: Because when the nitty gets gritty, your bestie has to get real. Now, get in there and get some man meat, Katy.
I send her back the eye-roll emoji, lock my screen, and shove the device back into my beach bag. Obviously, Anna is currently off her rocker at the hands of DayQuil and can’t be trusted right now.
I mean, I wouldn’t get up close and personal with Mack Houston if he were the last man on earth. The fate of humanity could be on the line, and I still wouldn’t do it. We’d all just crumble into oblivion if that kind of responsibility were on my shoulders.
You’re such a liar.
Okay, fine. If the fate of humanity depended on me, I’d consider it. But other than that, it’s a big hell no.
With my mind in such a scary place, I force myself to focus on the book in my lap. A whole new world without the dilemmas of frenemies with potentially big penises.
This is why I’m here. To relax. Enjoy the beach.
Unfortunately, I only get two pages into my reread of my favorite trilogy—The Shadow Brothers by Brooke Baker—before a group of college-aged girls rob my book of my attention.
There are three in total, and if I tried really hard, I think I could sew the material from their three string bikinis into the material of one normal one. We’re talking perky boobs, round butts, and long legs covered in dental floss.
They giggle and chat as they lay out their beach towels and put on the kind of tanning lotion dermatologists warn you about. And even though they can’t be a day over twenty, they pop open White Claws from their cooler and chat about what bars they’re going to hit tonight.