Total pages in book: 51
Estimated words: 51122 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 256(@200wpm)___ 204(@250wpm)___ 170(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51122 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 256(@200wpm)___ 204(@250wpm)___ 170(@300wpm)
I hung up laughing.
Book: Execution Style
CHAPTER 24
I need something that’s more than coffee, but less than cocaine.
-Annie to Mig
MIG
“Babe,” Annie said.
I looked over at my wife.
“What?” I asked, sounding just as distracted as I felt.
I was reading a case file that was bothering me, and I could hear the kids screaming and yelling in the room beside ours.
It was really hard to concentrate. What made it even harder was trying to concentrate while the kids were practicing for the WWE in the room next door and your wife wouldn’t stop…
“Babe!” Annie growled.
I dropped the case file on the table in front of me and looked at her, I was sure with all the annoyance that I felt in my eyes.
“I need you to take me somewhere,” she said.
I narrowed my eyes. “Where?”
She handed me the keys to my truck and pointed to the door.
“Outside, now,” she ordered.
I opened my mouth to argue when Rome and his wife walked in with their children.
“Y’all ready or what?” Rome asked.
I looked at my wife with raised eyebrows.
“You’re working too hard. They opened the lake back up. We’re taking the jet skis out, and Rome’s gonna pull his boat.” She clapped. “Let’s go!”
I opened my mouth to argue but Rome came up to me and slapped me on the back.
“Don’t bother,” he said. “I tried to argue, too. This was my first day off in a month, yet here I am, taking my wife and kids to the lake when what I really want to do is sit back with a beer in my recliner.”
I sighed and stood up, ready to tell her that I couldn’t do it, then Annie pulled out the big guns.
“Please,” she rolled her lower lip out. “Please, please, please.”
“Please, Daddy!” my youngest daughter mimicked her mother.
“Yeah, Daddy! Please!” my middle piped in.
I sighed. “Let’s go.”
Two hours later, as I floated in a tube in the middle of the lake with my kids splashing around me, I realized that this was exactly what I needed.
A break from reality.
I took a sip of beer just in time to have thirty-eight pounds of toddler land on my balls.
Beer went spraying, but my baby girl thought it was hilarious.
So did my wife.
Me?
I was too busy relearning how to breathe.
Book: Jack & Coke
CHAPTER 25
Don’t get it twisted, I may complain about my kids all the time, but I love those assholes more than anything.
-Loki to Channing
LOKI
Me: What are you doing?
Channing: Trying not to stab people. This is all a bunch of bullshit.
Me: Just don’t get any blood on your clothes. We’re out of fabric softener and I’m not going back to the damn store this week.
Channing: You’re supposed to say ‘don’t stab people’ because that’s the right thing to do. You’re a police officer, Bryce.
Me: Okay, don’t stab anybody. But also, if you happen to, don’t get any on your clothes. For real. What’s for dinner?
Channing: Nothing. I don’t have anything to cook, and without you going to the store since I’m stuck in this stupid hell hole all day, we’re going to go hungry. Unless you want tuna fish.
Me: That’s freakin’ dumb. You can run by the gas station and get chicken.
Channing: They close at nine. I won’t be let out until at least that. Plus, we’ve been lucky not to get the Corona virus thanks to our jobs, but we sure the hell will have something if we go to that place. Hepatitis maybe. That place is gross.
Me: Don’t talk about my beloved gas station food like that. It’s always there when I need it.
Channing: That’s because you work weird freakin’ hours and can’t find any other place than Taco Bell open at that hour.
Me: What’s the point of this?
Channing: The point is I’m bored as hell, stuck in this meeting, and you have the time to cook something really good and won’t because you’re a lazy bastard.
Me: I’m working, too.
Channing: You’re probably sitting in your car, watching that guy’s place like you’ve been doing for the last week, and listening to an audio book. How is that hard?
Me: It’s hard because my ass is hurting, my knees keep cramping, and I’ve had to take a piss for the last hour but I’m too afraid to get out of my car because I’ll miss him.
Channing: What are you wearing?
Me: Blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and work boots.
Me: Why?
Channing: Because I’m curious.
Me: You’re never curious.
Channing: Okay, my co-worker wanted to see you. She thinks that I’m shitting her that I’m married to a God-like creature. I had to prove it.
Channing: You stopped talking to me.
Channing: I know you’re still there.
Channing: She thinks you’re sexy, and that you should keep your graying beard. Also, she thinks that it makes you look sexier with the silver like I do.
Me: I’m done talking to you. See you tonight.