Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 97188 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97188 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
I don’t understand what it’s like to believe in a cause so much that you’re willing to lay down your life for it. Survival is paramount. It’s the only rule of my existence, aside from serving my family. But those two things dovetail together, because for the family to survive, its members must survive. I don’t understand the urge to be a hero, and yet I keep finding myself in close proximity to people who possess it.
At the start of this conversation, I knew it was a long shot. For once, I wish I was wrong. “Even if I draw my line, you’re going with Siobhan to attack that ship, aren’t you?”
Maeve hesitates, and I can tell she doesn’t want to fight any more than I do, but she finally gives a short nod. “Yes. It’s too important not to. I understand that you don’t understand it—”
“I understand it. I just don’t agree.” I scrub my hands over my face. This is a fucking mess. If I was back home, I could at least call on an ally or two to weigh the scales in our favor. But here, my only allies exist on the Audacity, and according to Siobhan, that ship is too far away to be of assistance.
“You don’t have to do this,” Maeve says softly. “I know this isn’t your fight.”
If she keeps saying things like that, I might scream. It’s not my fight, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m invested despite myself. Not because I believe in the rebellion, though even I can see that the Cŵn Annwn are a detriment to this realm. If I was stuck in Threshold without Maeve at my side, I would content myself with hunting them quietly in ways that can’t be traced back to me. I wouldn’t start a fucking rebellion.
But Maeve’s already in this up to her neck—which means I am, too. The thought makes me dizzy. The realization of just how much I care for her washes over me. Not care. This sickness inside me, this feeling that’s both giddiness and dread, can only be one thing: love. What a fucking disaster.
“Fine. We’re doing this. We’ll meet up with Siobhan tomorrow and go over the details one last time, and then we’ll attack as they make anchor in the bay. Satisfied?”
Maeve looks anything but. She stares at me with confusion in her inky eyes. “I don’t understand you sometimes. Why put yourself at risk for something you don’t believe in?”
I could lie and tell her the only reason I’m agreeing to a plan that’s just this side of suicidal is because I want my family heirlooms back. It’s not the truth. It hasn’t been the truth for some time now. And it feels wrong to lie to her.
It’s like I don’t even know myself anymore.
I drag in a breath. “I’m not going to let you get yourself killed in service of some cause. Rebellions tend to value the benefit of the many over the survival of the individual. They love a fucking martyr.” Even saying the words makes my chest go tight. “It’s incredibly incentivizing. A name to scream as they charge into battle, wasting their lives just like the martyrs do. Well, fuck that. You aren’t going to be a martyr. I won’t allow it. You’re going to live a long, happy life, godsdamn it. If I have to kill every single threat that comes into your sphere, then so be it. But I will see it happen.”
Maeve’s lips part, her rosebud mouth forming a perfect O. She blinks rapidly. I’m horrified to see her eyes go damp with unshed tears. “I care about you too, Lizzie. A lot,” she whispers. She gives herself a little shake and eases back. “I don’t want to become a martyr. I promise I won’t take any unnecessary risks during this process.”
I don’t believe her for a moment. This is the woman who battled a water horse to save me. A creature that, by all rights, should have ripped her to pieces. But she didn’t care. All she was thinking about was keeping me alive—not of the risk to herself.
That’s exactly what she’ll do when the ship comes. She’ll dive into the fight without worrying about watching her back. She’ll rip herself to pieces as long as the Crimson Hag goes down.
“I’ll be there to ensure you don’t.” I close the new distance between us and cup her face with my hands. “No one will touch you, Maeve. I swear it.”
“Lizzie.” She gives a laugh that almost sounds like a sob. “You’re terrified of the water. I can’t ask you to be in the depths with me.”
Her speaking my deepest shame almost unravels me. It’s something I’ve tried very hard to cover up, to shield, to pretend doesn’t exist. But it’s the truth. I am afraid of the depths. It’s impossible to be an apex predator when at such a disadvantage. “It doesn’t matter. A promise is a promise, and I promise to keep you alive.”