Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
It took Sawyer a moment to reply. I could see the wheels turning in his brain, the way they so often did. Carter helped quiet it, helped Sawyer let loose, and I would forever be grateful for that, but in this moment, he was working through it all, trying to figure me out.
“You really like him, don’t you? Obviously, I’ve known the two of you were close, and I knew you wanted to fuck him, but it’s more than that. You care about him more than I realized.”
He was right, but still, I rolled my eyes. “Aw, look at you, trying to pretend I’m in love just because the rest of you took the plunge. I’m happy with my life the way it is.”
“Who said anything about love?” Sawyer countered.
“You know what I mean, BB.”
“Why is it different for you to talk to me than it is for me to talk to you? I come to you. I’ve always come to you, even with Carter. You don’t do the same with me.” He took a drink of his beer, a melancholy look on his face. “I guess you were always different from me. You didn’t need me the way I needed you.”
He didn’t say it to make me feel bad. Sawyer didn’t work that way. He said it because he believed it was true. He’d always seen himself as weaker than I was, when he wasn’t. “Come on, man. You know that’s not how it is.” I needed him. I missed him, even though he was right there. Hell, part of me was sad he didn’t need me anymore, because I did need him. But then, I didn’t think he’d ever believed I did.
He looked at me, waiting, like he knew there was more and was giving me the time I needed. I wasn’t proud of my thoughts in that moment, but I knew I would share them with Sawyer. There was no biting them back down. “Yeah, I care about him. I’m not in love with him, but I care about him. And there’s a part of me that feels a little left behind now…which is some weird-ass shit.” I rubbed a hand over my face, hating the way I felt, because Sawyer was happy and that was all I’d ever wanted. “I like to be needed. I’m aware that makes me a bit of a self-important asshole.” Because what the fuck? Did I want Sawyer to depend on me his whole life?
“You’re looking at it from the wrong angle. It’s not that you like to be needed; it’s that when you care about someone, you want to be able to take care of them. That doesn’t make you an asshole, Cam. It’s what makes you the best brother in the world and the best man I’ve ever known too.”
“Obviously. Was there any doubt about how incredible I am?” I thought about how Jude had been confused when Rush and Lincoln were getting together. That was when he’d truly come to terms with the fact that he had been in love with Rush. The situations were different, because yeah, Sawyer and the whole brother thing, but some of the feelings were the same. When you were used to being the most important person in someone’s life, when you were used to being the one they came to, it made things different when those roles changed. Maybe I’d always understood that with Jude because I’d known I would experience it when Sawyer found someone.
In some ways, it didn’t make sense, this connection we’d had from the start, even when he’d pretended I annoyed him, but maybe this was part of it. We felt the same about people we cared about. “He’s special, ya know? I spend all my time with him. I’m not seeing anyone else. He’s not seeing anyone else. He’s the first person to make me want to date them in a long time.”
Sawyer’s mouth tugged into an ear-to-ear smile. “Holy shit. You know I recognize this road, right? I’m pretty sure I know where it’s headed.”
I looked around, wishing I had something to throw at him. “I’ve been good and made myself avoid drinking the water. I’m not sure what was put in it ever since Ash and Beau fell in love, but I’m not ready for that yet. I buy bottled.”
Sawyer laughed.
“We’re just having fun, BB.” Because the truth was, even if I did fall for Jude, which I was determined not to, I couldn’t be someone’s second choice, and I wasn’t sure he would ever love anyone the way he’d loved Rush Alexander.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Jude
Sometimes Awkward Boy feels alone even when other people are there. But then, superheroes often carry their burdens alone. ~ Theo’s comic
Lincoln always joked about “something in the water” in Fever Falls, and I was beginning to wonder if he was right. Maybe not magic gay dust, or whatever he thought it was, turning all the straight boys gay or bi. Regardless, it drove me crazy, because I thought about Camden all the time and I was fairly sure there was a good chance I’d lose my mind.