Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
She stirs and gives me a sleepy look. "I am now. What's wrong?"
"O'jek," I snarl. "I cannot sleep next to him tonight. I do not like how he is with B'shit."
"Because he was mean to her?" D'see asks, yawning as she sits up.
That makes me pause. "Was he mean to her?" A new kind of angry frustration surges through me. Was impatient O'jek unkind to B'shit? I noticed that when she fell in, I got to her before he did, but I thought it was simply because I was more determined. Because I am obsessed with her. I think about the scratch on her cheek, the blood that poured down her skin, and I feel a new kind of anger.
"Your clan has been a little cold to her ever since I got here," D'see says, rubbing her eyes. "I suppose it's understandable, given that they have your back and they're choosing your side, but sometimes it's hard to watch."
She is not wrong. I have been bitterly angry and frustrated with B'shit for many hands of days now. Of course O'jek, I'rec and even U'dron would support me in my anger. They understand my frustration. Why would a female come to my furs and then act as if she does not wish to be my mate? They are just as annoyed with B'shit as I am…but I did not think how it would feel to her. I know B'shit has struggled with being accepted, that sometimes the females keep things from her because she has a reputation for sharing secrets. I have not exactly kept our problems secret, either, yet no one blames me.
Now I suddenly feel guilty. "Do you think O'jek was cruel to her?"
"Honestly, A'tam, I think he treated her like he would any other stranger." She thinks for a moment, then adds, "Well, maybe a little less politely than that. But why do you care?"
How can she ask me that? "D'see, she is my mate."
D'see yawns again, her expression unruffled. "You keep saying that, but I'm not seeing any evidence of it. A marriage—or a mating—is a two-way street, A'tam. Both parties have to be mentally invested in making it work. Look at me. I was with a man for ten years. I was his mate in all eyes. We lived in the same house, shared a life together, and we were friends. But I wasn't his partner, because he was in love with another man. I was just there to make him look good. If it would have been up to me, I would have gladly been his mate in all ways." D'see's tone gets sad and for a moment she looks lonely. "More than anything, I wanted to be loved. But he couldn't love me, no matter how much I wanted it. Maybe it's that way with Bridget?"
Her words make my gut cold. I do not want to think of B'shit going to my furs and then deciding she does not care for me. Not when my every waking thought is on her. Not when I am lost in her smile. "She is my mate. I know it."
"Every opportunity she has, though, she doesn't choose you, A'tam. I hate to say it, my sweet friend, but perhaps it's simply not meant to be?" D'see reaches out and pats my hand. "I know you care for her, but she has to feel something for you, too. One-sided affection isn't enough. Trust me, I know."
"It is not one-sided," I say desperately. I rake a hand through my mane, frustrated at D'see's logical words. She does not know how B'shit has been drawn to me since I arrived, and me drawn to her. She does not know of our secret meetings in the pottery cave, when we talk for the entire night and it feels as if we are the only two left in the world. She does not know of B'shit's smiles and the perfect beauty of her laughter. That cannot be one-sided. It cannot. "She cares for me. I know it."
"But she doesn't want to be your mate? Have you asked her why not?"
I frown at D'see. She is nothing more than a bundle of furs, her small head sticking out, and she looks sleepy. But the expression on her face is patient…it is very unlike B'shit's, I realize. My mate is like me in that she is impatient with a great many things. She has a hot temper, like I do. Perhaps this is why we bicker so much. "Of course I have talked to her. I have told her many times that she is mine."
"No, no." D'see shakes her head, her hand emerging to wave at me. "That's not what I asked. I asked if you tried asking her directly why she doesn't want to be with you. Have you said, 'My lovely Bridget, I adore you and want to love you forever, but I do not understand your reticence'? Or do you just go up to her and beat your chest and declare that she is your female?"