Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 104138 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104138 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
“Thanks,” I say, my tone thick with awkwardness.
The twathole version of James Holden is back; the arrogant wanker side that makes me want to hate him. But I can’t, dammit. Again, I’m more annoyed at myself than I am at him. I was foolish to believe I’d made some kind of connection with him.
Picking my clothes up off the floor, I walk to the bathroom naked, silently cursing myself along the way. Jesus. His bathroom is big enough to be an apartment in its own right. A large oval bathtub with chrome feet, easily spacious enough for three people, sits proudly in the centre of the room. There’s a freestanding shower cubicle, mirrored cabinets, and one of those fancy toilets built into the wall.
I need a shower but I’m exhausted, confused, and I just want to go home, so I freshen up at the sink instead. I dress quickly after washing my hands and splashing my face, then, when I see my reflection in the mirror, I huff in frustration. I’m starting to get sick of my whining arse. Talk to him, or don’t, but for fuck’s sake stop droning on about it.
When I step back into the main living space I spot James outside, smoking a cigarette on his balcony, looking out over River Irwell. For a few seconds, I watch him from afar, trying to decide if I should say goodbye or just leave straight away. I want to leave, but of course that isn’t what happens. Given that my body seems intent on disobeying my mind lately, I’m beginning to wonder if I should start telling myself I actually like him. Maybe then I’ll be able to walk away.
I step up behind him, my hands tucked into my pockets. “I should get going,” I say.
He doesn’t even have the decency to turn around. “Sure.”
“Will you be okay on your own?” I don’t know why I ask. I refuse to believe it’s because I care. “Your brother should be here any minute.”
“I’m a big boy. I’ll be just fine.”
I nod, even though he can’t see me as he puffs a plume of smoke into the black sky. “Okay. Guess I’ll see you at work then.”
“Yeah.”
I turn to leave, my heart heavy with rejection. I’m barely off the balcony when I hear him speak.
“Theodore.”
I spin around to the sound of his voice. He’s still standing with his back to me, but I stare at him anyway. “Yeah?”
“Thank you.” There was more sincerity in those two words than any he’s ever spoken before. His voice is raw, honest, filled with sadness.
What’s hurting you, James? “No problem.” And then I leave, my thoughts and emotions in turmoil once again.
I don’t know what I feel for James Holden, or why I feel anything at all. But I do, and seemingly, I’m powerless to stop it, so maybe I should stop trying.
When I get home, Tess is waiting for me. I toss my keys onto the kitchen counter and sigh. “You waited up?” I haven’t checked the time in a while but I know morning can’t be far away.
“Of course I did. I’ve rang you, like, thirty times. Where’ve you been? Is he okay?”
Tess and Ed were with me in the village when I spotted James acting strangely. Ed thought it was hilarious, seeing our usually formal and uptight boss dancing on a podium, and Tess was altogether uninterested. She thought I should leave him to it. But I couldn’t. Something was wrong, though even now I can’t explain what.
I’ve gotten to know the firm, self-assured bastard everyone else sees, but I’ve also seen glimpses of the man behind the mask he wears; the man who likes to sing, poke fun at me, talk about random nonsense. The man who wears a smile so dazzling it lights up his entire face. That wasn’t the man on the podium. That was a whole new side of him I hadn’t seen before. He was more than drunk. He was almost…high.
It surprised me to see him acting that way but I wasn’t necessarily concerned. That only kicked in when I followed him outside. I went after him because, like always, I didn’t have a choice. I’ve been drawn to James since the first time I saw him, for reasons completely unbeknown to me. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand it and I’m getting tired of trying.
When he climbed up onto the wall it felt like my heart had leapt into my throat, choking me. It’s not a huge drop to the Rochdale canal, but in his reckless state he could’ve banged his head, been unable to swim or not known how to get out…all kinds of scenarios sped through my mind. People turned, some staring, some laughing. I didn’t know he’d completely lost his mind, all I knew is that he wasn’t listening to me and I needed to get him down. So, I grabbed him and pulled, bringing us both crashing to the ground.
Unlike James, I was sober and had enough rational thought to save myself with my hands during the fall. He, however, went limp, lifeless, letting his head take the brunt of the impact. He didn’t fall from a great height but, still, he’s lucky to have come through it with only a couple of stitches.
“He’s fine,” I say, shrugging out of my shirt. I’m dirty, but exhausted, and plan to strip to my boxers and crawl straight into bed. “Few stitches, that’s all.”
“What a moron. He must’ve taken some seriously dodgy shit,” Tess says, shaking her head.
“He said he didn’t.”
Clearly sceptical, she raises an eyebrow. “And you believe him?”
I can only shrug. I wasn’t with him when he spoke to the doctor and, naturally, they didn’t tell me anything because I’m not a relative. I’m not even a friend, really. I don’t know what I am to him. I like to think I’m more than an employee, but who the fuck knows.
“So you’ve been at the hospital all this time?”
I consider lying but realise there’s no point. Not to Tess. She knows me too well. “He was discharged a few hours ago. I went back to his place. Wanted to make sure he got home okay.”