Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84013 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84013 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“Dad—”
“Honey, we can’t go on like this forever. You’re an unmarried girl living under my roof. You’re a part of this family, whether you like it or not. I can’t protect you forever, but a good husband with a solid pedigree can. If we pick the right man—”
I jump to my feet. My heart’s racing and my head feels dizzy, and this is so much worse than telling me I have to stop working at Wolf. “No,” I say, breathless and surprised by my own sudden visceral reaction. The thought of getting married to a stranger, of my father arranging something for me right now, it makes me want to throw up.
“Daley, please. I’m not saying we’re doing this today, and I won’t force someone down your throat, but let me make a list. Let me at least do that much.”
“No, please no. I’ll stay here. I won’t go back to the city. I’ll quit my job. I’ll do anything. But please don’t make me marry someone.”
He stares at me in surprise. Tears are in my eyes, and I can barely get the words out. Tears stream down my cheeks. I hate myself for it, but I can’t stop. It’s like all I’ve done lately is cry, and there’s nothing I can do to stop.
I feel my life slipping away, taken by inches.
This is why I wanted to stay far away from my father’s house. No matter how much he says he’s willing to let me live my own life, it always comes back to the clan and to keeping me safe. He’ll give me a thousand excuses, but eventually he’ll force me to do exactly what he wants by degrees, and there will be nothing I can do to stop him. My stomach’s twisted into knots, and I want to vomit on the rug, but Dad’s staring at me with a deep frown, and I know that look. He’s thinking, uh oh Daley’s going crazy again. I have to get control of myself before he uses this as an excuse against me.
But this is how it happens. First a list, then a smaller list, then a husband, and then it’s over. I’m done. I’m gone.
With trembling hands, I take a step back toward the exit.
“Sweetheart, listen to me. I’m not forcing you to do anything. All I want to do is make a list. I’ll give you a list of names, and you can go meet them on your own. I won’t even approach their families to let them know what I’m thinking. If you like one of them, maybe then I’ll try and set something up. I’m only giving you options.”
“I know what this is.” My back thumps against the door. “If I agree to look at your list, soon it’ll become something else. You’ll want me to go on a date. Then you’ll want me to sign a marriage contract, and soon I’ll be bought and sold. No, Dad, no lists, no husbands. I won’t do it.”
“Daley.” His voice is tired, but it’s like the sound of a glacier grinding over stone. Ancient and low and unyielding. “This can’t go on forever. You living like this under my roof, like you’re a free woman? It can’t last. You’ll be a target for the rest of your life.”
“Then I’ll be a target. That’s the life you cursed me with, isn’t it?”
His face twists into anger. “Cursed you? That’s how you look at me and the clan after all this?”
“That’s right, that’s exactly what this is,” I say, and I know I need to stop but all my resentment and bitterness comes flowing out like lava from my throat. “This whole family is a sham. It’s a damn lie. All this is built on violence and death and suffering, and you can talk about protecting the people you care about all you want, but eventually we all get hurt, anyway. All for the damn clan. But I won’t let you rip me to shreds for something I don’t believe in, and I definitely won’t be sold to some stranger. I’d rather cut my own throat.”
He stares at me, seething. The anger in the room is palpable. I glare back at him, so scared that he’s going to throw me in my room, lock the door, and leave me there until he forces me to marry whoever he chooses. He could do that, and there’d be nothing I could do to stop it. That’s the danger of playing this game: he’s got all the power. The clan would accept it because the clan knows that whatever Fergal says is best. If the old bastard says he’s got to force me to marry a stranger, then all his boys will smile and nod and go along with it.
I’m at his mercy. I always have been. We both know it, and so far, he hasn’t used it against me, but the way he’s looking at me now suggests those days are over.