Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 91389 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91389 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Though I wonder how my sister’s going to fit in all this.
If she even can fit.
What’ll happen once this fighting’s over? And she’s still an addict? I used to dream about rehab, about getting an apartment together, about starting over. And now I’m just hoping she’s still alive in the next few days.
Beyond that, I don’t know how we’ll fit.
Serena isn’t Angelo’s problem. She’s not the Bianco family’s problem either. I’m the one that swore I’d take care of her, and I’ll have to sacrifice some time with these people, but I’m not giving up on my sister, not until there’s no other option.
I can imagine a better life. Sometimes, I even let myself indulge. But I always come back to the way things were, and the way things were supposed to be, and those dreams always involve her.
“Thanks for inviting me today,” I tell Elena as we walk out of Emily’s place together. Stefania’s staying behind to help clean up and Freddie’s spending more time with Jeremy. “I know my relationship with Angelo is really new and kind of weird, but I appreciate it.”
“No worries, I’m glad you came. I know things got a little heavy back there.” She laughs lightly and loops an arm through mine. “We’re not always so intense about kids and stuff. I guess it’s just that age, right?”
“I guess.” I gaze across the oasis at the beautiful buildings and the quiet blocks. Shade trees blow in the breeze, their branches bending with the wind. Their shadows flex across the sidewalk. “Honestly, I just felt bad, you know? Like I shouldn’t have been a part of that conversation.”
Elena nods and pauses, one hand on my arm. “I don’t know what you and Angelo are saying to each other. I’m guessing you’re together, or you’re getting close to being together, or something like that. I get that things are complicated, and there’s no rush from me. But I also see the way he looks at you.”
I try not to smile. “Really?”
“Oh my god, everyone sees it. You’re like the only person in the world when you two are around each other. It’s absolutely disgusting.”
“Come on, we’re not that bad.”
“No, you’re not, I’m just kidding around. But I know that look, and trust me, my brother’s making plans for you two. Maye he’s not saying them, but he’s got your life mapped out in his head.” She hesitates and looks a little panicked. “Shit. Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t mean to freak you out.”
I wave her away and we start walking again. “Honestly? That doesn’t bother me. That’s weird, right?”
“Not really. I mean, maybe, but I went through something like that with Brody. We weren’t together, we didn’t like each other, and then suddenly… we did. And we never looked back.”
“That sounds really nice.”
I walk with her to the edge of the oasis and she waves as she gets into the back of a car driven by some guy with flaming red hair. Once she’s gone, I backtrack to Angelo’s house, taking my time. The wind’s cool on my skin and I keep thinking about how comfortable it felt sitting in that back yard with Elena, Stefania, Emily, and Freddie, and how badly I want to be a part of that world.
It’s weird, but I feel happy. Which should be normal, but I can’t remember the last time I felt anything but anxious, scared, and nervous for the future. Being here in this place, it’s like sinking into a warm bath while my favorite music plays; I don’t want to lift my head ever again.
Which makes me feel guilty as hell, because somewhere out there, Serena’s suffering.
I don’t know how to rectify these two parts of me. There’s the loyal sister, the version of me that sacrificed everything to keep watch over Serena, even through some very dark shit. Then there’s this new version, a girl I’m only starting to get to know, but a girl I really, really like. If I keep walking down this path, I’m afraid I’ll leave the old me behind, and that’s a really scary idea.
Angelo’s waiting for me on the porch. I give him a kiss and sit next to him on a bench swing. His arm wraps around my shoulders and he tugs me close.
“Your sister’s really nice,” I say and he laughs.
“Elena? Yeah, she’s alright. I think she bases her entire life around taking care of people, and now I guess she’s taking care of you, too.”
“Really? She doesn’t seem like the maternal type.”
“Nah, that’s not her style, but you don’t have to be maternal to take care of others.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Sometimes you say really insightful stuff and I have to wonder if you’re reading this crap somewhere.”
“I’m a man of many layers.”