Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 373(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 373(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
“And then she wasn’t,” Nina said gravelly.
“And then she wasn’t.”
“A lot of people have left you.”
“Only the most important ones.” He’d never thought about it this way. “Don’t think I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’ve had a good life. But I miss them. I didn’t love her. Not the way I was supposed to. Maybe I would have if she’d chosen me. I would have married her. I would have gotten out of college and married Dana and taken my place in the company. Is that wrong? That I’m the one who accepted the place my parents made for me?”
“It’s not wrong to want something. It’s wrong to reject something simply because your parents wanted it for you. The same way it’s not wrong to reject something you truly don’t want. From what I learned about you and your brother this evening I don’t think either of you fall into those categories.”
They didn’t. When he looked back on it, he realized the signs of his brother’s unhappiness had been there. He’d simply ignored them. “I loved this business for as long as I’m able to remember. I wanted to do this. I wanted to own Malone Oil. As I got older I wanted to learn all the ways I can take us from Malone Oil to Malone Energy. I’ve got my fingers in a lot of sustainable pies right now. This is my dream. But Mike never wanted what I wanted, and we’ve never recovered from him walking away. I forgave him a long time ago, but we’re still out of synch. He still seems closer to his friends. That’s the sad thing. I never found a person who could replace him, but he’s replaced me several times over.”
“He hasn’t replaced you. He can’t do that.” Her voice had gone warm and sympathetic. “But he hasn’t forgiven himself, and you can’t make him. I assure you that forgiveness is harder than you think. I should know.”
“What haven’t you forgiven yourself for? The guy who tricked you?” He’d talked to a couple of her coworkers tonight and he’d come to realize so much of her reluctance came from that asshole.
“His name was Roger,” she began slowly. “We were partners for two years before I ever agreed to go out with him. I thought I was being careful. I think he knew how to play me. I wasn’t attracted to him at first. But it’s a lonely job. It’s hard because you can’t talk about it.”
“I can imagine. He was the only one who understood what it is to do what you do. Or what you did. You don’t have the same boundaries with this job, right?”
“No. I can talk about this job for the most part. Not the particular one we’re about to do since we’re technically working with the Agency,” she allowed. “But the day-to-day stuff isn’t confidential. Also, we’re one big team. It’s like a big family, and that has to do with the unique culture of the job.”
He thought he knew what she was talking about. He kept his eyes on the road, but his mind was entirely on her. His brother had talked about The Garden and how different it was from Sanctum. It had been the home to all of the Lost Boys until recently when they’d been able to finally get their lives back. “You all live in the same building, right? And the club you play at is there, too.”
“Most of us live there and yes, the ground floor of the building is the club. It’s truly beautiful. It should be weird to work and live and play in the same place, but Damon’s done an excellent job of making the spaces very separate. I think in the beginning Damon had this huge building and he didn’t want to be all alone in it. When he transitioned from MI6 to working with Tag, it made sense to let some of his employees live in the flats.”
“I know a little about that. When you work on a rig, you sleep, work, eat all in the same spaces for months at a time. It can build a strong team. It can also make you want to murder some of the fuckers.” At first those rigs had given him an odd sense of freedom. He still felt it a bit, though the older he got the more stability he wanted.
“It’s not so bad where we are. There’s more room, I suspect, and the accommodations are more luxurious,” she said with a chuckle. “My flat is far larger than my place in Lyon was. It’s also nice to have someone to eat dinner with. Someone’s always on their own and looking for company. At least they used to be.”
“Things are changing?” He knew how that felt. When everyone else was getting their lives in order and pairing off and starting families, it could make a man feel like he was getting left behind.