Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 138287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Tears filled my eyes. My voice shook. “I love you… Mom.” And my chest ached.
“And I love you, Ju—”
My heart couldn’t take it. I hung up.
Covering my mouth with my hands, my face crumbled and I let the sorrow I felt take over. I wept silently until there were no tears left to cry. I lowered my hands, hugging myself tightly.
This was for her.
I was doing this for her.
So, what would I do when the inevitable happened, when she passed on and I no longer needed to work for Left Turn?
It was a depressing thought and not one I wanted to think about right now.
Suddenly, the door to the suite was opened and Connor strolled in, whistling cheerfully. “Forgot my lucky pick.” Thankfully, he didn’t even look at me.
I spun around to hide my red and blotchy face.
When he left his room, he started talking, “Hey, can you pick up some of that shampoo I like?”
With my back to him, I nodded. “Sure thing.”
I don’t know how he felt something was off but he appeared in front of me and searched my face. “Emmy.” He frowned then gently touched my arm. “Why are you crying?”
My smile was forced and I tried to speak as normally as possible. “No reason.”
Connor’s frown deepened. He looked confused. “So,” he drawled, “you just like to cry in your spare time?”
It sounded ridiculous.
I didn’t want to lie, so all I did was smile and nod.
His brow creased in bafflement, he started toward the door and laughed softly. “Okay. Well, you have fun with that.”
“I will,” I responded stupidly and when the door shut, I sighed and lowered my head onto the kitchen counter with a dull thud.
I had a feeling today would be one of those days.
“Do you ever get lonely?”
It was our first night in Denver and just as I’d been hoping, Connor arrived at my hotel room just after midnight.
“Oh, is it that time again?” Connor smiled at me and I felt ashamed for asking such an intrusive question. “Baby, does it look like I get lonely?” He smirked. “Every single day, I’ve got something lined up for me. My life’s a party that never stops. I travel the world and meet some lit people. I always got a Betty to warm my bed. Get to hang with my buds all day, every day. The entire world watches me with an eagle eye just to post pictures of my bulge on the Internet. Women wanna fuck me. Men wanna be me. I’m probably the luckiest bastard to ever live. So, to answer your question…” He took pause. “Yeah, I get lonely.” A long moment passed and we continued to look into each other’s eyes. “Do you?”
I thought about it and when I replied, my response was whisper-soft. “I think I was born lonely.”
I felt stupid for saying what I had but Connor’s eyes held an understanding to them and, in an instant, our bond grew a fraction. We were a puzzle comprised of different shapes and sizes but for a single moment, our pieces fit.
In understanding, we were perfectly matched.
I didn’t know what he was thinking. I rarely did. But I felt the need to say something to my friend. “If you’re ever feeling lonely, come find me.” I took in a breath and responded on an exhale, “We can be lonely together.”
His face became void of emotion but changed in an instant. His eyes narrowed on me. “Are you coming onto me?”
Classic Connor, unable to deal with his own feelings and emotions, curbs the truth with humor.
Today, however, I didn’t laugh and Connor noticed. His smile waned then faded to nothing and unable to look into my eyes, he twisted and focused on the ceiling.
My voice was soft. “What are you so afraid of, Connor?”
He didn’t answer for a long moment but when he did, he was not impressed. “Jesus.” His sigh was long. “Why are you so emo tonight? You on your rag or some shit? Fuck, it’s depressing.”
That was the moment I knew I pushed too hard.
Maybe I should’ve apologized but… no. Not tonight.
Instead, we lay there, side by side, in complete silence. A minute turned into two, then ten, and Connor slid off the bed with a huff, stalking toward the door. He opened it quickly and shut if softly behind him, and I immediately felt the loss of him.
The room felt bigger than it should have. It also felt colder. And I loathed it.
Time went by and I found myself up, switching off the lights and climbing under the covers with a delicate sigh. I stared up into the darkness. “Shouldn’t have pushed.”
No, I shouldn’t have. It was none of my business and Connor didn’t care about me the way I cared about him. His reaction was completely justified. I overstepped.