Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
As I lay my towel out on the bench and watch as the crew sails the ship away from the harbor, I can’t help my mind drifting and imagining what each of the men I’ve left behind are doing. Mitchell will be laughing at something. Of that, I’m certain. Probably Cooper. Those two have a vibe. Lachlan will be bent over a spreadsheet or legal document, discussing it with Thomas and Logan. I glance at my watch and wonder whether Jared and Joshua are cutting through the waves as I am now. Bryce and Bradley will be at the butchers, collecting the meat they cook with so much heart. I’m not there, but their world will keep on turning and that’s how it will be when I leave Byron Bay for good.
Kyla’s hand on my shoulder makes me jump. "Let me put some cream on your back, sweetie," she says softly. "The sun is like Satan’s BBQ."
I let my friend protect me from the elements, and while she smooths cream into my skin that smells of summer, she talks about each of her men back home and how much she misses them. She mentions something that each of them does for her, that makes her life better. Lex makes sure she eats well, focusing on nutrition to reduce her monthly pains. Carl takes care of everything money related, explaining it all so she doesn’t have to worry. Noah makes her laugh, even on days when she’s feeling blue. Dex pushes her to experience new things. She goes on and on, and for each of her men, I find myself drifting into a fictional time in the future and a me with a similar life. I imagine what each of the men in my life would do for me, and what I could do for them.
Lachlan would ensure all my affairs were in order and in return, I’d keep him calm and nurse his wounds.
Mitchell would make me laugh, and I’d bring the jokes too, so we’d always giggle together.
Cooper and Logan would care for my mind and my heart, reminding me of all the things that are possible.
Jared and Joshua would encourage me to take adventures, and I’d be the anchor to inspire them to keep one foot grounded.
Bradley and Bryce would always remind me of home, and I could be their safe haven.
Thomas would sing to me whenever I was feeling sad, and I’d happily provide him with an outlet for his talent and inspiration for his songs.
Together, they work as a great unit, but with me, it could be so much better.
The ocean swells gently around us, lapping against the varnished wood of the boat, frothing up in its wake. In the distance, islands beckon like glossy green hills surrounded by sugar white cupcake frosting, peeking through the glassy turquoise water. The breeze whips strands of my hair, and strands of Kyla’s, tangling them together behind us.
She’s my best friend, and I know she’s only talking about her life because she wants me to believe that I can have what she has. She’s trying to do for me what I did for her. To help me find my place in the world. Encourage me to reach for my best life and cling onto it with both hands.
But there’s a significant difference between us. Kyla believes, like most people, that she has years stretched out ahead of her. She can imagine a gray-haired, wrinkled version of herself, sitting on that porch swing with a glass of iced tea and a crossword, and eight men who love her.
I know that I most likely don't. The image of a gray-haired Dawn has been erased from my mind. All I can picture is the me I am right now. Anything else feels like a false promise. A cheap hope. A betrayal of my mother's memory.
"They love you, you know," Kyla says softly.
"Love is a weighty word that is often overused," I say, even as my heart picks up speed in my chest.
"They do. You need to know that because I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to convince yourself that they don’t need you. That they’ll be better off without you. You’re trying to convince yourself that it will never work and that it’s time to move on before anyone gets attached."
"Mind reading. We need to add that to your list of skills on your resume," I reply, as her words curl like barbed vines around my heart and squeeze, causing tiny beads of ache to form on the surface.
"Can you take a photo of us?" one of the guys from Ohio says. He’s cute with a broad, straight white-toothed smile and blond brows, but not a patch on any of my men.
"Of course."
I take his phone and find a good place to stand so that I can make the most of their pose and the mind-blowing view behind them. I force myself to really look at him and his friend.