Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 80942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Our marriage has never been a fairytale, but I thought we cared for each other. Even when we hurt one another.
When I asked my therapist if it’s normal to cause each other pain when I obviously love him and he cares about me, she confirmed it.
Apparently, when stressed, we get to take it out on the person closest to us. In my case, that’s Adrian.
But I don’t want to hurt him anymore. In return, I don’t want to be in pain, thinking that he’ll never reciprocate my feelings.
The deeper they get, the more terrified I am that we’ll go back to that stage of our marriage where the physical connection was all we had.
I loathe that period.
No matter how sexually compatible we are, it’ll wane with time and then we’ll have nothing.
The cold night air seeps underneath my coat as I walk to the gazebo. I’m at the entrance when a slight rustle comes from behind me.
Adrian.
I don’t have to turn around to know it’s him. Six years of marriage has attuned me to his presence, even without seeing him.
Swallowing, I stop and face him. He’s wearing his cashmere coat over a white shirt and black pants, looking as handsome as ever. The man ages like fine wine, I swear.
“What are you doing outside in the cold?”
I lift a shoulder. “I felt like taking a walk. What? I’m not allowed to come out here without your permission?”
“Lia…” He gets closer until he’s standing toe-to-toe with me and I have to tilt my head back to look at him. “Are you still mad at me?”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. Did you know that you pout when you’re mad?” He strokes my cheek, then the curve of my lips. “It’s weirdly adorable.”
“Well, I don’t feel adorable.”
“I’m sorry.”
Did he…just apologize to me? I never thought that would happen in a million years. “You’re…what?”
“I’m sorry for making you feel bad when I should’ve done the opposite. I lost the ability to feel love when I was a boy, but you’ve slowly but surely yanked those feelings out of me. You didn’t only yank them out, you also held tight to a part of me I thought was long gone. For you, I want to go back in time and keep that part alive for the moment I met you. In the past, I thought people were destined to leave, so being attached to anyone was useless. And I thought that at some point, you would leave, too. I fought the pull to you. I fought the lure of your rose scent and your breakable softness. But I couldn’t fucking last. Not when I craved your presence the moment you were out of sight. Not when my thoughts of breaking your purity turned to a need to protect it. I told you how different my love is, how dark it can get, but I do love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. I don’t only need you; I also genuinely cannot live without you and the light you bring to my darkness. I know you deserve better, but I’m unable to let you go, so I’ll try my best to be worthy of you, Lenochka.”
A muscle tightens in his jaw and a glassy sheen has covered his eyes by the time he finishes. He finally did it.
He…let go.
Tears roll down my cheeks and I don’t bother wiping them. “Oh, Adrian. You already are worthy of me. There’s no one else out there who understands me better than you do, who’d bring me back, even when I go through a dark tunnel like I did. I just want to be your wife for real and your partner for better or worse, not merely a delicate flower you hide away from the world.”
“I’ll try to be better. Though I’ll probably never be a hero.”
“Who says I want a hero? I’m perfectly happy with you, my villain.”
“You are?”
“Absolutely.” I wrap my arms around his waist. “I love you, Adrian, and though it hurts sometimes, I’ve never regretted it.”
His lips meet mine and I squeal as he picks me up and carries me in his arms.
Epilogue 1 – Lia
Five months later
It’s crazy how life can change in the span of such a short time.
How much…happier it can become.
It’s been almost seven years since I first met Adrian. We started with blood and death, but something much more beautiful blossomed from the darkness.
It’d be a lie to say we live a fairytale. If there’s anything that won’t change about Adrian, it’s the fact that he’s a villain.
The type who still works in the background to have everyone under his thumb, regardless of whether they’re his foe or his ally.
Everyone except me.
He kept his word when he said he’d try harder. He gave me more freedom and supported me when I decided to take a permanent administrative position in the shelter. One where I have to be present every day.