Total pages in book: 195
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
“Kodiak.” Ace’s voice drags me back.
I blink, taking in my surroundings, and then yank another joint from my pocket as I meet his gaze.
“What?”
He watches with disapproving eyes as I light up again. “You’ve been on edge since these bodies started popping up, and we’re all worried about you. I understand your need for answers, but it can be a slippery fucking slope, brother.”
I shrug off his concern. We both know I have my head halfway into a guillotine already, and I won’t pretend otherwise. It’s inevitable that someday they’ll find her if they haven’t already. When the detectives figured out that someone used that stretch of the Rio Grande as a dumping ground, they convinced themselves that one of those sets of remains had to be hers. The day they match her DNA, I’ll finally know once and for all that she’s really gone. And that will be the day my fate is sealed.
I barely scraped my way out of the trial for Adam’s death with an acquittal. There was only room for doubt because of the volatile history between Bianca and him. Police reports I never even knew existed of Adam claiming she was violent toward him. Records of her being sent for treatment at different facilities throughout their relationship. These weren’t things I wanted aired for the world, but they came out regardless. So did the details of what the media dubbed “our love affair.” I became a convenient target, painted as a jealous stalker who finally snapped. And if it weren’t for Lucian, I’d still be locked up. But it doesn’t change a goddamn thing. There’s a clock running down my time and a detective in Texas who's hell-bent on seeing me rot. He’s certain Bianca is dead, and I’m guilty, and he’s all but promised he won’t stop until I admit it.
After hearing something hammered into your skull so many times, you can’t help but question it, too. You begin to wonder what’s real and what’s just your twisted imagination. Your mind invents scenarios, and after a while, they feel more like memories. Eventually, it all gets gnarled together, and you get to a point when you can’t trust your own thoughts anymore.
The past five years have been a circus of grief, misery, and too many unanswered questions. More than anything, I just want the fucking truth. I want to lay her to rest in a place I can actually visit because that’s the least of what she should have. I need to know who touched her, so I can unleash this rage that’s been festering inside me for far too long. And if it was me? Then I deserve a bullet in my head.
“Remember what’s at stake here,” Ace tells me, acting as the voice of reason. “Take it from someone who learned the hard way. You can either keep chasing the ghosts of your past or rejoin the land of the living. But you can’t do both. At some point, you have to focus on the future. If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for Zoe.”
His words make me think of the soft brown eyes that cut me open every time I see them. She’ll be seven next May. Far too young to have lost both her parents. The weight of guilt sits heavy on my shoulders, and if it were up to me, I wouldn’t volunteer myself as the best choice for Zoe’s survival. I wouldn’t even volunteer myself as her third-best choice. But I’m the one her father chose, and when she loses her grandmother, I’ll be all she has left in this world. I don’t know the first thing about raising a child, but I know I won’t let myself fail her.
“Don’t bring her into this,” I tell Ace. “Zoe is always my priority. I can take care of her and still want the truth.”
He sighs and shakes his head. “They’re gone, brother. They’ve been gone for five years, and it’s time for you to accept that so you can move on with your life. Twisting yourself up in knots every time someone finds a body in Texas isn’t going to do you any good.”
“I didn’t realize it was so simple.” I take a puff on the joint and stare into the crowd. “I’ll just explain that to the detective with a hard-on for me when he comes to drag me through another trial. I’ve accepted they’re gone, and the state of Texas should, too.”
“Fuck it,” Ace clips out. “Do it your way. Keep punishing yourself if that’s what makes you happy. Memorize every gruesome detail of their murders. Imprint it in your mind and play it on repeat. I hope it keeps you warm at night.”
“Everything alright over here?” Birdie interrupts, and when I glance at her, she’s giving her husband the look.