Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 85608 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85608 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
“Can’t,” I mutter, the word heavy because of how tired I am.
I’ve spent weeks unable to sleep well, several after leaving Archer in the shower, and then even more working by his side daily without being able to have this from him.
His arms are like the sedative I’ve needed for a very long time.
“We could go to the beach or maybe rent a convertible and drive down—”
“I have to be back in St. Louis by Sunday for a family dinner,” I mutter, recalling the insistence from both Beth and Jules.
Of course I haven’t heard from Jules in weeks, and the first time she calls, it’s because she needs me to expand on the lies we’re still telling. I was hopeful when I saw her number flash on my phone that she was planning to come clean.
“Family dinner?” Archer asks, and the tone is a little more elevated than the previous words we’ve spoken since entering the room and crawling into bed. “Does this have to do with Jules?”
I hold him a little tighter, not wanting to get into this with him. We’ve not talked about anything personal since my return to work. Well, I haven’t engaged in much conversation with Archer other than things that are work related. It’s the only way for me to keep my distance. If for one second I let myself imagine us being even friends, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off the man.
“She hasn’t told the truth yet,” I say when he pulls his face completely away from mine.
“So now you’re pretending with her?”
I know what he’s asking. “I’ve never pretended to date the woman, Arch. You have nothing to worry about.”
He watches my face, but he doesn’t argue the point he was trying to make weeks and weeks ago. I can tell he isn’t happy, but he doesn’t say a word.
When he settles back down, pressing his lips to my neck, I have the sudden urge to tell him just how much this lie has torn me apart. How I feel betrayed by my best friend because he’s choosing Jules’s happiness over mine. How I hate that the men who used to respect me now think I’d fuck a girl my best friend was into. I want to tell him that I bet they wonder if I’ll try to cross a line with one of their women.
I know if I tell him any of this, he’ll try to encourage me to tell everyone the truth, but I know I can’t do that. This is Jules’s secret to tell, and unfortunately, we’re at everyone’s mercy until she does.
I have enough blame on my shoulders. If I speak the truth and it does have the effect she’s worried about and Beth cuts ties with her, I’ll never be forgiven. The distance between Kit and me will no longer be an issue because he’ll sever it completely.
“I think—” he begins, but I silence him with a kiss.
“I don’t want to think,” I say, nipping his lower lip. “I just want to pretend that no one else in the world exists right now. I don’t want to leave this bed or your arms until our flight tomorrow.”
He must like that idea because he deepens the kiss and throws a leg over mine. He doesn’t say another word about Jules, Kit, or what happens when we head back home.
Chapter 34
Archer
The bubble we were in California popped much sooner than I would’ve liked.
I didn’t want to return to St. Louis. The secrets and problems can’t be forgotten, and I’m well aware of that, but I just wanted to avoid them for a little longer. I wanted to stay wrapped in his arms, pretending nothing in the world existed other than how I felt when we were locked away together.
I wanted the kisses and the soft whispers. I wanted the Brooks that was open and caring, not the man whose eyes darkened the second we stepped off the plane. That man pretended he was my bodyguard, shoving the man that took care of me down so far, I didn’t know if I could find him even if I went digging.
He kissed me softly in the car before heading to the family dinner he was expected to be at. It was little comfort that he expressed he didn’t want to be there, that he was sick of the lies because he wasn’t willing to do anything about it. I tried to explain that I was a factor in that part of his life, that telling the truth about Jules’s baby’s paternity didn’t come with the caveat that he had to also explain what was going on with us, but he still refused, sighing in frustration that I even brought the topic up.
Unable to resist, I’ve texted him several times. I don’t have to be happy about his secrets, but I also don’t have to be a dick about what he’s going through. I want him in my arms, but I also want him smiling.