Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 142916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 715(@200wpm)___ 572(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 142916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 715(@200wpm)___ 572(@250wpm)___ 476(@300wpm)
While she made seemingly casual conversation, she studied Fenja, trying to assure herself that she wasn’t losing her adoptive mother. She never thought of being adopted. She didn’t know her birth mother. She knew Fenja. She loved Fenja and thought of her as her mother. Losing her would be intolerable.
“When I was talking to Gesina, I came to the realization that I do want children. I wouldn’t know what to do with them, so I’ll have to rely on you to help me.” She wanted to convey to Fenja that she needed her. She didn’t want Fenja neglecting symptoms or refusing to get assistance from Tora.
Fenja didn’t like Tora to waste strength on her. After any healing session, Tora was always pale and weak. She needed sustenance immediately. Fenja, more than any other in the village, knew about Tora’s differences. She didn’t like it when the healing took such a toll on the Carpathian woman. Tora might be centuries old, but she had appeared as a child, an older sister to Silke. Fenja thought of her as another daughter. In her mind, she protected both girls, not the other way around.
Silke knew Fenja’s thought process, but she wasn’t willing to lose her mother simply because she didn’t want to admit her body was wearing out. She was going to insist again that Tora see exactly what was happening with Fenja’s health.
“I’m happy you decided you want children after all.” Fenja beamed at her. “I would welcome a baby in my arms. Did you decide on this man coming to claim you as the father of your children?”
Silke had been open with Fenja about the Carpathian male coming to their village for more than to aid them in the coming battle. She didn’t hide things from Fenja. They had always discussed everything, and Fenja had always demanded honesty between them.
Silke sighed and took another drink of her tea. “I’m not certain. I’m not just going to be a partner to some man when I know nothing about him. I’m not going to just jump on board with marriage and children. He might be the most overbearing, arrogant jerk in the world.”
Fenja smiled at her. Serene. Sweet. With a raised eyebrow. “From what you told me, this man expects that you will be his wife.”
“I don’t know what he expects. From what Tora told me, the other demon slayers married the men they were promised to. That doesn’t mean I have to. I go my own way, Fenja. You taught me that.”
Fenja’s soft laughter filled Silke’s heart with joy.
“I did, didn’t I?” Fenja admitted. “I stand by that teaching. Always be true to yourself. That doesn’t mean you should be inflexible or unable to compromise. In any relationship there is compromise, but you know that, Silke.”
Silke rested her head on the back of the chair. “We’ll see.”
“I can’t imagine you were promised to anyone unworthy of you.” Fenja regarded her over her tea mug. “Have you found another man? Has someone caught your eye?”
“I grew up with everyone here. I know too much about them all. Too much history.”
“Sometimes that’s a good thing.”
“Not when I think of them all as siblings. Or I’ve friend-zoned them. They’re going to stay in that zone no matter what they want. I would lose my mind being married to any of them.”
Fenja pinned her with a stern eye. “There are many good, single men in the village.”
“I wasn’t saying anything against them,” Silke defended. “It’s just that I’m not in the least attracted to them. I like them as friends, but it doesn’t go any further than that, and I know in my heart it never will.”
Fenja nodded. “I can understand. I had a difficult time with the idea of taking any of the men I grew up with for a partner. I was too independent. I knew I wanted to be a midwife. I also loved plants and learning about their medicinal uses. When I was a young woman, it was expected I marry and have children.”
“Do you regret your decision?”
Fenja shook her head. “No, sweet girl. Not for a minute. Life is too short for regrets. I remember every single wonderful moment, delivering babies, helping the women when they were scared. Each time my hands were in the soil as I learned about medicinal plants, I rejoiced.” Her smile grew radiant and her eyes were soft with open love. For a moment a sheen of liquid brightened the faded blue before she blinked it away. “Then you came into my life. My greatest blessing. My greatest treasure. The miracle I never thought I would have. You completed my life. I have had everything I could ever want.”
Silke’s heart clenched hard in her chest. Fenja always showed her love. Always. But she rarely expressed it in words.