Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 84929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 425(@200wpm)___ 340(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 425(@200wpm)___ 340(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
“But why Kate?”
“I . . . I don’t know.” My eyes burned. I couldn’t stand the disappointment on his face. “I already know her, so it seemed like a good place to start.”
His fury gave way to something softer, but just as quickly it was gone, and he turned his back to me. “Why are you making this so difficult?” he murmured. I wasn’t sure if the words were meant for me since I barely heard them. He sounded tortured, which in turn made me feel even worse.
“What?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head. A few heartbeats of silence passed between us until I couldn’t bear it anymore.
“Alec, I’m so sorry.” I took a few steps toward him, hand outstretched. I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to bridge the distance between us, why I ached to touch him. But where Alec was concerned, I just wanted—wanted to make things better, wanted to take care of him, wanted to be close to him, to touch him.
He walked to the other side of the room and I let my arm drop to my side. “Using your Variation to lie to me, even if it’s for practice, is inexcusable. It violates our basic premise of trust. Promise me you won’t do this ever again.”
“I promise,” I said in a croaky voice. “So you won’t tell Major?”
He shook his head. “No, I won’t tell him. But I think you should go now. I need some time to think.”
I left without a word, feeling like I’d been dismissed. I’d betrayed Alec’s trust. All because of a stupid kiss.
“Maybe it’s not as bad as you think,” Holly said. She sat beside me on my bed, worrying her lower lip.
“I lost control of my Variation. That’s the worst thing that could have happened. I’m worried that it’s a bad sign. That I’m not good enough for this mission.”
“Don’t say that. Your Variation is as close to perfection as it can get, and it always has been. I’ve never told you this, but you know, sometimes I really envy you.”
I let out a shaky laugh. “I’m the last person anyone should envy. My Variation was the only thing in my life that was consistent, and now? It’s like I have nothing that’s solid.” I shook my head. “Damn, listen to me. Now I’m being all dramatic, though it’s all my fault. I should’ve never turned into Kate. If Alec tells Major, he’ll ban me from the mission,” I said it like it was a bad thing, but a small part of me secretly wanted him to. At least then I wouldn’t have to face a crazy-ass killer.
“Alec likes you too much to let this get in the way of things. I’m sure he’ll forget it ever happened.”
“He won’t.”
I’d broken Alec’s trust. I knew this wasn’t something he would forget. And if it had been anyone but me, he’d probably tell Major. The agency came first for Alec.
“You didn’t see Alec’s face when he realized it was me.” My voice broke. I tried to cover it up with a cough but it was no use. Holly’s eyes softened and she wrapped her arms around me. “Everything will be fine. Alec will forgive you and you’ll rock the mission.” She nudged me. “Come on. Let’s have dinner and pretend nothing ever happened. We’ll erase the last two hours from your mind.”
I sighed. “I wish you could actually do that.”
I was much too busy to curl into a heap of self-pity, though I wanted nothing more. A pile of Madison’s yearbooks, her old papers, maps of Livingston, and all sorts of other artifacts sat in a hefty pile on my desk. I picked up the heap, supporting it with my chin to keep it from tipping over, and left the room.
My arms quivered under the weight of the pile. I decided against the staircase for once and let the elevator take me down to the basement floor, where the library and kitchen were situated. Passing the silence of the library doors, I followed the clanking of pots and the sound of singing that drifted from the back of the building. As I stepped through the double swinging doors, I spotted Martha—swaying to the music emanating from an old radio above the sink, her back turned to me, her gray hair bundled in a hairnet. She was a big woman, all softness and curves.
Without turning around, she snapped, “Food’s upstairs. No sneaking around in my kitchen!”
Her words were hardened by her Austrian accent, a remnant from her childhood in Vienna in the years after World War II. Her father, a Variant, had cooperated with the newly founded FEA to help overthrow the Nazis. But he was captured and killed shortly before the end of the war. The FEA brought Martha and her mother into the U.S. and employed them, though Martha herself didn’t have a Variation—like most children of Variants. But Tanner often joked that her otherworldly cooking must be the result of some secret foodie Variation, as it was undeniably superhuman.