Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 145088 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 725(@200wpm)___ 580(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145088 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 725(@200wpm)___ 580(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
He was working hard on being likable, on proving himself to the club members, even though it had been tough to keep a smile on with Hammer around. Today was a fork in the road, and he could feel it down to his bones. The conflict with Torcher was a cloud preceding the approaching shitstorm. Dex had acted as if he was indifferent to the sexual proposition, but what the actual fuck? Was this how that fucker thought he could treat him, just because he was gay? Even if Dex wanted to go back in the closet, which he didn’t, that ship had sailed long ago. He didn’t mind the stupid banter. If anything, it was fun to tease the straight guys, but there was a line he didn’t want to cross with the bikers, whether things worked out with Hammer or not.
Thoughts of losing Hammer were like a series of stabs, and since he was now injured, he slid down the wall of the garage close to the clubhouse to sit on the cold asphalt. No one would ever understand him the way Hammer did. And no one would fuck him like that demon of a man. That was just something he needed to accept.
But maybe Shane was right and it was time to let off some steam elsewhere, because his libido was on fire.
After all, he couldn’t wait forever, leaving his future in Hammer’s hands, especially that tonight he wasn’t even present.
Alone and away from the glow of the lamps installed on the facade of the clubhouse, Dex accessed the app store and once again installed Grindr.
There had been times this past month when he’d missed having access to so many guys, but his thoughts had been so full of Hammer, there had really not been much space for anyone else. Today’s confrontation though, left him feeling abandoned, and since Hammer wasn’t there for him tonight, after all the work Dex had put into the party, why wouldn’t Dex take care of his own needs?
A flood of comfort swallowed him when the app opened up to him with a buffet of choice, new faces and opportunities. It offered a familiar space where he knew exactly how to hook a guy, how to meet up, and how to never see them again.
It took just a few swipes for Dex to match with a faceless guy whose photos focused on ripped abs. Was Hammer really worth the restless nights when this was on offer?
Dex started the conversation to establish if the guy was up for a hook-up tonight and if he lived close enough for it to make sense, but it felt detached. As if someone else's fingers were typing Dex’s messages. Usually, matching with a new guy gave him a thrill. He’d imagine what it would be like to fuck them, come up with various scenarios depending on whether the match was a top or bottom, what he was be into, but tonight the spicy conversation made him feel nothing, as if there was a void growing in his chest.
When the new guy asked if he had a place, Dex lowered his head with a low grunt.
What the hell was he thinking? At the moment, he very only wanted Hammer, and whether Hammer would return to him or leave was irrelevant. Dex was in too deep and not yet ready to move on, even if for just one night. A buzzing libido wouldn’t change that, because while he wanted a fuck, he needed it to be with a particular man, who could not be so easily replaced.
When the stranger Dex didn’t even want to see asked him why he was taking so long to answer, he closed the app and removed it, rising to his feet as if the cold pavement had burned him.
There were other ways to take his mind off the man who occupied all his thoughts, and those included spending time with friends but also proving his worth to the club. Maybe if Hammer saw that he wasn’t just trouble, that he could be depended on, he’d choose to return and grace Dex with the warmth of his attention again?
That was it. He could either sulk or man up to show that he wasn’t some dumbass guided solely by his dick and impulses.
And if Dex failed, he’d try again.
One deep breath later, he walked back to the clubhouse, but just as he nodded at the group of smokers, about to go in, someone grabbed him by the nape and pushed him forward. He writhed, trying to get away even when he looked over the shoulder and saw Hammer’s stern face.
“What did I do?” he whined in protest, but Hammer mercilessly urged him through the crowd.
When had he arrived? Did he somehow know Dex had accessed Grindr and all this had been some fucked-up test that Dex had failed? Shame and panic spun in his stomach, whirring ever faster as Hammer propelled him between dancing couples. With his head forced down, all Dex could see were empty bottles and plastic cups littering the floor, people’s feet, and damp stains on the tiles. He didn’t protest though, and let Hammer lead him all the way to the new bar counter.