Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 148949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 745(@200wpm)___ 596(@250wpm)___ 496(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 745(@200wpm)___ 596(@250wpm)___ 496(@300wpm)
It was unbearable.
Paralyzing.
I didn’t blink.
I didn’t breathe.
I didn’t move.
And the room suddenly felt like a tomb, suffocating me.
Then, suddenly Paolo screamed, “No!”
I almost jumped.
Sadness didn’t cover his face. It was all rage. His little voice echoed in the room. “Mommy and Daddy are not angels!”
“Baby, I know this is very sad and it’s okay to cry and feel upset.” Emily reached her hand out to him.
He shoved it away. “No.”
“Baby, we—”
“No!” Paolo scooted off the bed and ran into the teepee.
Tears spilled from Emily’s eyes. She rushed with wiping them away.
I left the bed, went to the teepee, and sat on the floor in front of it.
From the inside of the teepee, he gazed back at me with pure hate blazing in his eyes. “No angels, lion! No!”
There weren’t many times when I felt like crying, but this was one of them.
Still, I wouldn’t allow myself to shed a tear. Instead, I took a deep breath and kept my own emotions in check. “Your daddy wanted us to take care of you, if he became an angel.”
Paolo balled his hands into fists.
“I loved your daddy.” I touched my chest. “I. . .miss him so much it hurst my heart.”
Paolo screamed, and then tears spilled from his eyes.
“Scream again if you want to. It is okay.” I nodded. “Do whatever you want.”
And Paolo did. He screamed over and over so loud those blood curdling sounds shook the walls. I felt every one of them deep in my core. And then he screamed some more, filling the space with pain and raw agony. Those screams ripped from his throat as he fell forward and cried.
“Oh, baby.” Emily lifted the teepee off of him and tried to go to him.
Sobbing, he got up from the floor fast.
To my shock, he ran my way and began hitting my chest with those tiny fists. “Bad! Bad!”
“Paolo, no.” Emily hurried over.
“No, mysh.” I held my hand up. “Let him.”
“Kaz—”
“Let him.”
“Bad! Bad!” Tears glistened on Paolo’s face as he hit my chest with those tiny fists over and over. They were merely soft taps to my body. If I could take more pain from him, I would have.
“Bad!” And then, he collapsed against my chest and sobbed.
“It is okay.” I wrapped my arms around his small body, and hugged him. “You are right. I am bad.”
For the first time in my life, I let myself. . .feel for this small child who had never done anything to me. . .yet, I had did everything to him.
I had taken away his world, his innocence. I had now made life scary and unsafe.
And he would never be the same because of me.
The weight of my actions pressed down against my core, crushing the air from my lungs.
I stared down at the child before me as he shivered in my arms and continued to sob. “I’m sorry. . .so sorry.”
An ache pushed through my chest that I had never known before. “Paolo, we will take care of you. We will always be here to make sure you’re safe and happy. And your mommy and daddy will always be with you too, even though they are not here in person. They are watching right now as angels.”
Emily came behind him and placed her hand on his back, slowly rubbing it.
“You are not alone.” I held him tighter. “You will never be alone because. . .you are my son now. Your daddy was my family. . .that means you are my family too.”
Paolo’s sobs slowly shifted to sniffles. He looked up at me with those big eyes, full of pain.
I could see the battle raging within him, the struggle to accept this new reality.
He shivered and whispered, “I don’t want them to be angels.”
Emily had no idea what he was saying. Still, she gently leaned against him and combed her fingers through his hair. “I love you, baby. So much. And I’m so sorry.”
Footsteps sounded behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder.
Several people had entered the room—Maxwell, David, Baba, Blue. And there was even the staff—people who had fallen in love with Pavel’s son in this short time—the chef who loved making him special treats, Paolo’s personal maid who snuck little candies to him before bedtime, and even two of his female guards from Harlem Crew who had sworn their allegiance to Emily to protect him.
Tears streamed down all of their faces as they tried to take on his grief that surely was too heavy for him to bear.
I had no idea when they had entered.
Was it his screams of sorrow?
Did Baba gather everyone knowing that he would need them?
It didn’t matter.
Paolo did need them.
In fact, we all needed each other.
I slowly stood up, still holding onto Paolo, and walked towards the group of people.
Emily followed.
Maxwell sniffled and wiped tears from his eyes. I didn’t think I had ever seen him cry before.