Total pages in book: 125
Estimated words: 121576 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 608(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121576 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 608(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
When I’d had my first dream with everyone in the house, Jenna had stirred awake and talked me through it. It had helped. Then she’d gotten up and, after ignoring my protests, brought all of the kids into the bedroom so I could be surrounded by them. She wanted me to have all of their love around me. She’d known I needed it even before I did.
Even on nights when I thought I was fine, Jenna still got them up. And every single time, I felt better because of it.
After placing the book she was reading on the table, Jenna held her stomach as she moved toward the door.
I rolled onto my back so my eyes could follow and blinked at the ceiling when she stepped out of the room, leaving me alone. For a moment the house was still and quiet the way it used to be and the way I hated, but that didn’t last. It couldn’t anymore.
Muffled voices floated down the hallway, followed by footsteps—bare feet against the wood. I heard Jenna speak softly in the distance as Oliver moved into the bedroom first.
He was tall for eleven and letting his hair grow out. A decision he’d made once he saw a few of my old team photos. Strands covered his ears and fell into his eyes. Jenna tried not to hate it.
“Hey, Dad.” Oliver leaned over me so I could hug him. He squeezed my shoulder. “Love you.”
“Love you too, bud.”
As he was climbing into the bed on Jenna’s side, Olivia padded into the room.
She was Jenna’s twin now, in personality and in looks. Her freckles had remained while Oliver’s had faded. And she favored her hair down as opposed to braids.
“I like you,” she said as we hugged.
I smiled and kissed her temple. She loved me because she liked me. That was her logic.
“I love you too.”
Olivia walked around the bed and climbed on beside Oliver, who had scooted over near the center. He left a small gap between us, but not because Oliver didn’t want to be next to me. He just knew his sister.
Marley dragged the baby blanket she still slept with into the room and climbed up over my legs, crawling into the space her brother had left for her.
Blond curls spilled over her shoulders and back. Her eyes were still the bluest blue. She favored Sadie in every way.
Her warm arms wound around my neck.
“It’s okay, Daddy.” Her voice was sleep heavy and slow. “It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered.
It didn’t matter how much younger she was than her siblings. Marley knew what I dreamed. We talked about it in therapy.
I held her tight. “I love you.”
“Love you too.” She kissed my cheek, and then she pulled the covers up and wiggled underneath them, rolling onto her side. She snuggled close to Oliver.
When Jenna returned to the room, I adjusted my pillow so it pushed my shoulders off the mattress and boosted me up a little higher in bed.
I never liked lying completely flat with our son.
“How’s that?” Jenna asked, watching me settle Matthew against my chest.
He was long limbed already. He’d just turned one last month.
I cupped the back of his head, which was covered in thick, dark hair and curly like Marley’s.
He looked like the perfect combination of all four of us—it was wild.
“Good,” I murmured, smelling him, my hand on his back so I could feel him breathe.
“Just good?”
I looked over at her and shook my head.
She’d asked, but she knew I could never be just good getting what I needed. Just like she could never deny giving it to me.
Jenna bent down and we kissed. Then she got into bed beside Olivia and rolled to her side. She watched me above sleepy heads.
I knew, because I was already watching her.
“We’re getting a little crowded in here,” she said quietly, looking like that fact didn’t bother her at all, and she was more stating it out of curiosity for me, wondering how I felt about it. “We might need a bigger bed when these two come along.” She placed her hand on her stomach.
We’d found out we were expecting twins four months ago, and two months after that, their genders. A boy and a girl.
I couldn’t fucking wait. None of us could. Oliver and Olivia were especially excited.
“We’ll be fine,” I told her.
“I’ll remember you said that when you’re complaining about not having any room.”
“I’d never say that.”
“What about the noise…three under the age of two?”
I grinned at her.
She giggled back. “You love that, don’t you? You can’t wait.”
“I don’t want it quiet in here. You know that.”
“They’ll all eventually grow up and move away…It won’t always be like this.”
Jenna was right. It wouldn’t. Everything was temporary. I was scared of losing this. I always would be. And I was fine with that.