Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 83343 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83343 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
I need to do something to help.
Before I can take action, Jacob arrives. “Hey, you look terrible,” he says. “You’re getting older, can’t handle those red-eyes like you used to.”
I don’t even bother to stand. It’s not just the flight that has me tired. I haven’t been sleeping. Not properly. Not since I left the UK.
“Great to see you too,” I say. “Where’s Beau?”
Jacob tilts his head in the direction of the door. I glance around the restaurant and spot him talking to a waitress. Of course he is. He never met a woman he didn’t like.
“How was Arizona?” Jacob asks.
“Shit,” I reply.
“Not the answer I expected. But I’m not surprised. No doubt you started to enjoy yourself too much with Kate, decided you were getting attached, and split. Now you regret it?”
I swipe my hand through my hair. “Jesus, we’re doing the tough love thing already? I haven’t even ordered a drink yet.”
Just at that moment, the waitress approaches. Before I can say anything, Jacob orders three margaritas.
“Margaritas? We’re day drinking?”
“It’s my day off. Beau’s too. And you look like you need a drink or a good night’s sleep. I scanned the menu and of those two things, they only have drinks.”
Beau finally arrives at the table and slaps me on the back before taking a seat. “You look like shit. Anyone up for a beer?”
“Jacob just ordered us margaritas.”
Beau laughs. “Happy to go with that flow.”
“I was just telling Vincent he’s an idiot,” Jacob says.
“Just generally or for a specific reason?” Beau asks.
“Because he dumped Kate.”
“She was great,” Beau says. “Hot. So she’s single now?”
“Don’t be a dick,” I say.
“He’s kidding,” Jacob says. “But some other guy won’t be. She’s gorgeous and funny and clever and—”
“I wasn’t kidding,” Beau replies, but he’s grinning. He’s totally kidding but it doesn’t help move the sludge of dread in my gut at the thought of someone else with Kate. “You shouldn’t be so much of a commitment-phobe.”
He doesn’t need to tell me. But knowing it and doing something about it are two different things. “Kate’s better off without me—”
“He’s not a commitment-phobe,” Jacob says, interrupting.
Beau bursts out laughing just as our waitress reappears with our drinks. We quickly place orders for lunch and then Beau raises his glass. “To the Cove brothers.”
The hairs on the back of my neck prickle.
“Come on, brother,” Beau says, and despite my frustration and confusion at how this lunch has started, I smile at the address.
We all clink our glasses and take a sip.
“Back to your joke.” Beau nods at Jacob. “About how Vincent isn’t a commitment-phobe.”
Jacob shrugs. “I don’t think he is. He’s a creature of commitment. He’s entirely committed to our family. He’s always around if we need him. He commits to the businesses he invests in, and you’ve been working with most of your team for a decade, haven’t you?”
“Sure. But that’s…different.”
“I don’t think so. It’s not commitment that has you running. It’s fear. Some things you’re scared of and some things you’re okay with. And from what I can see, it goes back to when your dad left. You were forced to leave a home you were happy in and now you’re scared to get attached again. You just don’t want to commit to living in one place because you’re scared it will get taken away—which I don’t get. I mean, you could buy most homes in America or the UK in cash, own them outright. Your businesses can’t force you out, either. You have the control there. Same thing with your team. Your issue isn’t commitment—it’s the fear that what you’ve committed to will somehow get taken away.”
Dread slithers down my chest and winds around my ribs. I gave up on Kate because I’m a fuckup. I’m not sure I needed it confirmed, but hearing it doesn’t feel good. “Maybe you’re right. But knowing the problem doesn’t solve it.”
“He is right,” Beau says. “But I think you know that. What you don’t realize is that it’s bullshit. Like Jacob said, you’re completely committed to all sorts of things. Us—your family. Your businesses. I bet in your head you tell yourself you didn’t commit to uni. But you only dropped out because you were making so much money doing other stuff. Why would you want to be a medic?”
I don’t tell him the reason. I don’t say, because I wanted to be accepted by John and Carole as one of their sons. It sounds too corny or pathetic or ridiculous. Circle as applicable.
“You also always order ginger beer as your first drink after getting off the plane,” Jacob says. “And you’ve worn the same kind of underpants since you were at Cambridge.”
“It’s weird how you even know that,” I say.
“You’ve committed to Calvin Klein,” Beau says. “Just not a beautiful, funny, loyal woman.”