Total pages in book: 161
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
“Thank you.” I smiled, kissing both of her cheeks and pulling her into a tight hug.
“My beautiful girl,” she lovingly stated, cupping my face in the palms of her hands. “I can’t believe it’s been ten years of you performing here with us. A decade of lovely memories made of dancing. I couldn’t be more proud of you if you were my very own.”
Sabrina was like the mother I never had. From the moment I stepped off the plane, she was waiting for me at the luggage claim, welcoming me with open arms. Puzzled when I didn’t grab a suitcase, not knowing that everything I took with me was already in my dance bag, hanging over my shoulder. She whisked me off to the theatre to meet my new dance family and begin to practice. It was a hardcore schedule, which left little time to think about who and what I ran from. The first few days... hell, the first few months, were exactly that.
Hell.
The days and nights blended together, the word sleep was no longer a part of my vocabulary. All I was trying to do was survive this new life. My fresh start. I hadn’t seen or heard from Martinez since I left him that night.
Trying to mend the pieces of my broken heart.
Failing miserably to do so.
Sabrina had been nothing but good to me. I had my own place to live, fully furnished with everything I could possibly need when I arrived. I hated it. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. She noticed it immediately, I didn’t have to tell her. Taking me into her home instead, giving me a bed to sleep on and food to eat. Housing a complete stranger out of the goodness of her heart. Making me feel like I was wanted for the first time in my life. She loved me instantly, and the feeling was very mutual. For the first few years, I drowned myself in work again, dancing all hours of the day and night. It was the only life I’d ever lived where I was happy and content, except something had changed inside of me. Something I didn’t ever get back.
To this day, I couldn’t tell you what it was, but I changed into someone I didn’t recognize anymore. My outside emotions started matching how I felt on the inside. Like a piece of my soul was taken. The darkness and reality of my life started to take me under. Even after everything he had done to me, put me through, made me see… I still loved him.
For years I loved him very fucking much. I still do.
I never shook off the feeling that I was being watched. Sometimes I felt as though if I looked close enough, I would see him. Possibly even find him staring back at me.
I couldn’t do it anymore.
It hurt too fucking much.
A year became three and three became six, and before I knew it, I was a few months away from being in England for seven years. That’s when I met him. His name was Will. He was charming and handsome in a boyish way. An American, like myself, from Colorado working there on a visa. He had the sweetest smile, and the most contagious laugh. It was so good to laugh again, to smile, to feel like I wasn’t dead inside. I met him at a café, drinking espresso, reading an American newspaper. He was a relentless flirt, asking me out only after a few hours of us talking over nothing.
We casually started dating not too long after meeting. Life was so simple with him, so positive and pure. He was patient, caring, and attentive, every girl’s living dream. It took me a while to let him get close, especially in an intimate way. He didn’t have the effect Martinez had on me, and, in the back of my mind, I knew no one ever would. Sabrina was the only person I ever told about my life, about him. She told me if I ever truly wanted to be happy, I needed to try. Let go of my past and walk—not run—into my future.
So I did.
One night we were drinking heavily. Laughing turned into kissing, kissing turned into touching, and touching turned into being intimate with someone who didn’t consume my body, mind, or soul.
I cried, I cried so fucking hard after we were done. He didn’t ask any questions, he just held me in his arms. The way I yearned for Martinez to do, for God knows how long, even at that moment in another man’s arms, I thought of him. Still craving his presence, his scent, his love.
Will and I never talked about what happened, we just went on. Little by little, things got easier, I started to live life again. Letting myself find the girl that I left in Martinez’s bed.