Total pages in book: 161
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149338 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
He wasn't fucking me.
He was making love to me. Taking his time to feel every last inch of me. Memorizing my body. My need. My love. His heady movements were almost as pained as the glare in his eyes. I wanted to fight him off. I wanted to yell at him and tell him to stop. I wanted anything but this.
I couldn't.
All I felt was his heart over mine. His kisses deep within the depths of my soul, his strong hands and muscular body consuming me in ways I've never experienced before. I never thought possible. His once cold and icy demeanor were replaced with nothing but heat. It radiated off of him, absorbing into my skin. I felt him everywhere and all at once. For the first time...
He was mine.
I felt it in every last breath from his lips, every last beat of his heart, every single fiber of his being. The good and bad. Heaven and Hell. Every part of him. I took what I could get. Every last ounce of him. Even though I knew in my heart.
He was only saying goodbye.
My body betrayed my emotions. I started to come apart, clawing, gripping, moaning, panting, “Please, please, please,” begging for I don’t know what. Climaxing all around his cock.
Lifting my leg, he put all his weight on his right knee, using the other for more momentum to thrust in and out of me. Faster, harder, deeper. I didn’t want him to stop, terrified of what would happen when he did. There would be a price to pay, knowing my pleasure would only lead to his pain in the end. He was right about one thing. He wasn’t my savior. Tonight would lead to the demise of my heart when this was over, when he was done showing me his love. His torment. His demons.
“Lexi,” he growled from within his chest, releasing his come deep inside of me. Shaking, kissing me passionately. Until I felt him become hard again, making love to me all night long.
I let him take me. Have his way with me. Making love to me. Knowing he was trying to fuck me out of his heart, but it had the opposite effect.
He let me fall asleep in his arms.
But I woke up alone in the morning.
I laid there wide awake for hours, listening to the soothing lull of the rain coming down outside. Drawing circles on the silk sheet, concentrating on how the satin fabric felt on my skin. My mind couldn’t think anymore, there was nothing else I could contemplate, rationalize, understand, or even try to explain.
I was numb.
Exactly how he wanted me to be.
I threw on my silk robe, walking down the hallway as if I was walking toward my execution. And in a way, I was. I took a deep, reassuring breath, before opening the door to his office. Martinez wasn’t in his usual place, sitting in his leather chair behind his desk. Busying himself with paperwork. He was standing by the bay window, looking out at the rain just like I had been doing for hours. He stood with his back to me, his hands in the pockets of his slacks.
Waiting.
Without turning around, he declared war, “I don’t love you.”
I scoffed, shaking my head, “Say that to my face. Look me in the eyes, and tell me you don’t love me.”
He casually turned around, eyeing me up and down. His face was void of any emotion.
“I know you love me!” I shouted, fighting for him. For us.
“No, cariño. I don't.”
“Liar! You fucking liar! Stop lying to me! Please! Stop hurting me with nothing but lies! Be a fucking man, not a coward,” I bellowed, gripping onto the door handle. Hoping like hell it would hold me up when all I wanted was to crumble. My body shook uncontrollably. Bowing my head, not having any more fight left in me. I was exhausted from years of fighting a losing battle. A means to an end.
He stepped toward me, coming right in front of my face. My tears fell onto the floor between us. I shuddered when I felt his knuckles caress the side of my cheek, his skin burning against mine. I jerked my head away, I could take his hate, but his kindness was almost too much to bear. He wanted to remember me just like that. Falling apart in front of him. Punishing himself for taking away another life that didn’t belong to him.
Mine.
He was right about one thing. All the women who loved him, died loving him. Emotionally killing me, driving a dagger straight into my heart.
He spoke with conviction, “I'm a lot of things, Lexi, but a liar I'm not. Last night was my goodbye to you. Nothing more, nothing less.” He pulled his hand away, and I immediately missed his touch.