Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 41373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 207(@200wpm)___ 165(@250wpm)___ 138(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 41373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 207(@200wpm)___ 165(@250wpm)___ 138(@300wpm)
“Fuck, Rowen.”
“I wanted to keep that magic alive for as long as I could,” he said. “To exist in a world where everything was okay. Walk around between holiday decorations with you, wearing scarves and ignoring the fact that my whole world fell apart.”
I felt a stray tear break off from my eye. There was a lump in my throat now, and as I held Rowen’s gaze, I saw the glassy look return to his eyes, too.
“My world fell apart, too,” I said. “Since my grandma died I’ve felt like I’m just treading water. Like nothing special would ever happen again.”
Rowen wiped away a tear on his cheek with the back of his hand, then reached out to brush mine away, too.
“I’m so sorry, Shane,” he said in a low voice.
“Thank you for telling me the truth,” I said. “I can see why you just didn’t want to bring that bad feeling into… what we’ve been doing.”
“Into our relationship,” he said.
I puffed out a laugh, pulling in a long breath of air afterward. “Our fake relationship.”
We held each other’s gaze, and a moment later, I felt Rowen’s hands connect with mine. He held my hands, giving them a gentle squeeze as he looked at me.
“So, now you know,” he said. “I’m screwed up. I’m not just some fun, flighty actor from New York without a care in the world.”
I swallowed. “And I’m not just a thoughtless, airheaded country boy next door, without any problems of my own.”
He bit his lower lip. “So our whole world is fucked up, and we don’t have a damn clue what to do about it.”
I nodded. “That’s exactly right.”
His gaze flitted down to my lips and back up to my eyes again. “Well, I can say one thing for sure,” he told me. “The fact that you haven’t kicked me out of your house—that you’re here with me, and here for me, makes a whole lot of difference.”
I frowned. “Why on Earth would I ever kick you out?”
“Because I was keeping things from you.”
“But you’re amazing, Rowen,” I said. “I understand. And if our world is shitty, then I feel a lot better being with you than being alone, that’s for sure.”
His hands squeezed mine a little harder. The Christmas lights behind him looked like a little halo, slightly blurred by the remnants of tears in my eyes.
“I feel better with you, too,” I said.
He closed the distance between us, and my heart pounded in my chest as he pressed his lips to mine.
And in this moment, I could tell that this kiss was real.
Neither of us had the answers. But right now, we had each other.
I pulled him closer, wrapping my arms around him, gripping him tight and kissing all along the side of his head.
Showing him that no matter who he “really was,” I wasn't going anywhere.
Not a chance in hell.
10
ROWEN
I blinked my eyes open and already knew I was in an unfamiliar place. Firstly, it smelled really good in here, and the light in the room was coming in differently than I was used to.
I turned over, the night coming back to me in pieces.
Telling Shane the truth. Melting into his arms by the Christmas tree. He’d sat next to me on the couch, occasionally running his hand along my back as I told him all of the things I’d been holding in. I told him about my childhood, my high school years, and of course, all about acting school.
Last night I hadn’t even known I’d been dozing off. As I woke up now, I realized we’d been out cold on the couch all night.
The sun had come up and was gently filtering through the curtains in Shane’s living room. He was asleep next to me on the other side of the L-shaped couch, both of us tucked under blankets, with pillows propped all around us.
I turned to look over at him in the morning light. Something funny was happening in my chest as I let my gaze linger on him.
He had been absolutely everything I’d needed the night before.
The magic hadn’t been shattered when I’d told him my truth. If anything, it had deepened. Strengthened. Like we’d come even closer than we had been before, and I’d been left wondering why the hell I hadn’t told him sooner.
Why had I been so afraid?
And why did it feel so damn good to be real with him? To share that both of us felt like the world was falling apart around us, but that together, things were moving just a little closer towards okay?
I got up and tiptoed along the wood floorboards toward the kitchen. I got a glass of water. As I came back into the living room, I hit one of the boards at a weird angle and it creaked, loud as hell.