Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 100550 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100550 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
The backs of my eyes stung as I flashed into the future. I did want this. I wanted to be part of Ava’s and the baby’s lives. But I needed to let go of the dream that it would include Brooks and a happy ever after for me too.
Latonya reached over and squeezed my arm. “You okay?”
I opened my eyes and glanced at her, feeling my face heat. “Just thinking.”
She gave me a knowing look. “Sometimes holding a baby is a little bit like petting an animal. It’s a kind of therapy. Gets you right in the heart, doesn’t it?”
I nodded. “Who knew?”
Mollie tugged on the ends of my hair and said, “Bah-bah-bah!”
While we waited for the parade to start, I used my shirt to play a game of peekaboo with Mollie that earned me some belly laughs that lifted my spirits. I watched the people around me and tried to soak in the festive atmosphere to at least keep me steady until I could get somewhere private and throw myself a nice pity party about Brooks leaving.
It didn’t work.
As the marching band and decorated floats began parading down the street and the crowd around me cheered and waved, I sank deeper and deeper into a funk. Not even the loads of candy being flung into the crowd could get through the mood I was in.
When the final car came down the road, I noticed the irony. Ava and Brooks rode on the back of a convertible classic Ford Fairlane Sunliner just like the one my landlord had back in California. The sun shone on the pristine pink and white paint, and I couldn’t help but pull out my phone to snap some pictures for Neil since Mollie was safely back in her mother’s arms.
Ava looked gorgeous in her cheerleading uniform, but I could hardly look at her long because sitting right next to her was Brooks Johnson in his football jersey. His arm was wrapped protectively around Ava’s waist to keep her from falling backward out of the car. It was such a sweet gesture, I almost wished I hadn’t noticed it. I kind of wanted to hate him right now.
His face radiated happiness in a way completely different from the first night we’d met. Now, he looked more relaxed, as if he could see the light at the end of the tunnel and knew he was almost free to leave this place again. What if he didn’t come back for another ten years?
He flexed his biceps and tossed out tiny plastic footballs to some of the young kids in the crowd who were yelling his name, and it was such a stark reminder of his quick retreat into chameleon mode. He was pretending to be the small-town hero, the jock, the smiling role model with the beautiful cheerleader on his arm. But that wasn’t who he was. Or maybe it wasn’t the only part of who he was.
I’d stupidly thought I had some innate ability to determine when he was being a chameleon and when he was being his true self. But what if I didn’t? What if I’d been fooling myself and the man he was with me—the tender, caring one—was yet another one of the skins he slipped on?
“Excuse me,” I murmured to Latonya and Maureen as I stood up. “Thanks for letting me hold Mollie.”
The look on Latonya’s face was kind and concerned, so I did my best to shoot her a reassuring smile. Her eyes widened and her forehead crinkled which led me to believe I’d failed. There was nothing I could do about it but simply walk away, weaving through the throngs of people until I found the narrow alleyway and could take a breath again.
So many destructive thoughts went through my head. I remembered the same feeling of uncertainty when I’d left Homer. Would my family fight to keep me there? Would any of my so-called friends care that I was leaving? The answer had turned out to be no on both accounts, and I was pretty sure I couldn’t take that kind of rejection again.
No, it was much better to walk away on a high note and wonder what if, rather than wait around for the actual rejection and disappointment themselves.
I felt a vague numbness come over me as I made my way back to Ava’s car to wait for her. Even though I still wanted to be there for her and the baby, I knew I needed to get the hell out of this town until Brooks was safely ensconced back in his big-city life. If I saw him again, or God forbid had time alone with him, I’d melt back into the puddle of Brooks goo, and this time I might not be able to recover.
When Ava finally got through the gauntlet of locals who wanted to talk to her, she was sweaty and red-faced but clearly happy.