Total pages in book: 10
Estimated words: 9381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 47(@200wpm)___ 38(@250wpm)___ 31(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 9381 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 47(@200wpm)___ 38(@250wpm)___ 31(@300wpm)
"And still, you're leaving me." I stare at her, my heart fucking bleeding. It hurts. Christ, it hurts like hell. All this time, I've tried so fucking hard to make sure I did everything to keep her by my side. I never crossed the line. I played by her rules. I did everything I could to keep her safe and happy without ever taking more than she was willing to give. And I'm losing her anyway. "Did you think about me at all in this decision, Pen? Because you're the only reason I stayed through all of the bullshit."
"You're the only thing I thought about!" She wrings her hands together. "You're…you're…"
"I'm what?"
"The reason I'm quitting," she whispers, her voice a tiny scrap of sound.
I never knew four little words could hurt so goddamn much. And yet, here we are.
"Explain," I rasp, my heart in pieces at my feet.
She licks her lips, staring at me uncertainly.
"It kills me to know that you'd rather quit than spend another day working with me," I say after a moment of her not speaking. "Because the best part of the band for me has always been you. I'd crawl through hell for you, baby."
"Sooner or later, you're going to fall in love with someone, Declan," she whispers. "You don't need me."
"Bullshit. I can't give away what doesn't belong to me, Pen."
"W-what…" She falls silent for a moment and then works up the nerve to whisper, "What are you saying?"
"You know exactly what I'm saying. It's been staring you in the face for five years, Pen. Everyone else sees it, but you're oblivious."
She blinks at me, her face scrunched up in confusion. "I don't understand."
I've kept my secret for five years, holding it close to my chest. In this moment, it seems so fucking pointless because I'm losing her anyway. I thought I'd rather have one piece of her than none of her…but I'm going to end up with none of her anyway. She's leaving, anyway. So why keep pretending that I'm not crazy about her? If she's going to go, at least she'll go knowing how I really feel. At least, for once, she'll be forced to see what's been right in front of her all along.
"I'm saying I can't give my heart to someone else when it's already yours, Rebel," I say, stepping up in front of her. "It's been yours for five fucking years."
"Declan," she gasps.
"I'm in love with you. Have been since the very beginning." I cup the back of her neck, pressing my forehead to hers. "Jesus, Pen. I've never been able to see past you. I never will. How do you not know that?"
Chapter Four
Pen
Declan's confession hovers in the air between us, rendering me silent. For a long moment, I think I'm dreaming. I have to be dreaming, right? There's no way he just told me that he's in love with me.
But this doesn't feel like a dream. I've had a lot of those, and he never feels this solid in them. It's as if, even in my dreams, my mind knows he isn't mine and won't let me have him. It gives me this insubstantial, wispy version that never feels real enough.
"Say something, baby," he whispers, his breath sweet against the side of my face. "Talk to me."
"I can't," I whisper back. "If I do, I'll wake up."
"You aren't asleep." He wraps his hand around my hip, tugging me closer. His hard body presses to mine in one delicious line. He pinches me gently, barely even chafing my skin between his fingers. "See? Wide awake."
"Declan," I whimper, twisting my fingers up in his shirt to anchor him to me. "Do you mean it?"
"Every fucking word, Rebel." His lips are inches from mine, closer than they've ever been. Five years, and he's never been this close to me. It's a tragedy, really. He's hugged me. He's held me while I've cried. I've fallen asleep snuggled up against him. But he's never been this close, breathing the same sliver of air. "Tell me what you're thinking. I need to know."
"I'm afraid I'm dreaming." I swallow hard, my voice shaking. "I'm afraid I'm going to wake up alone in my bed again. I'm afraid I'm just hearing what I want to hear. And I really want to hear it again."
"I love you," he says without hesitation. "You aren't dreaming. And hell will freeze over before I let you wake up alone in the morning. You're staying with me tonight." He tips my head back, his eyes dark and soft. "You're killing me here, sweet girl. I need to know how you feel. Slap me. Tell me to go to hell. Just…fucking put me out of my misery already, Rebel. I can't fucking stand it anymore."
God. He still doesn't get it, does he? Even now, he doesn't understand.