Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 60864 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60864 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
“Yes, they are,” Derek replied without hesitation. “And they deserve to know our daughter. At least, to know they have a granddaughter. You can decide from there how much they will have to do with her, and how much you will have to do with them.”
“So, what should we do?” I asked.
“Do you want to call them? Go visit?”
I immediately shook my head. “I meant what I said. I’m not going back there. Not even for just a visit. At least, not for a good while. And I don’t know if calling them out of the blue would really be a good idea. I think I’ll have Jack tell them. I still feel terrible about the things I thought about him.”
“You can’t beat yourself up about that anymore,” Derek said. “You made a mistake. You were under a huge amount of stress, and it happened. You can’t do anything about it, and you have the chance to move forward together. You should just enjoy your second chance with your brother and stop letting the past hold you back.”
I needed to hear that.
“You’re right. And I think that makes it even better to have him be the one to tell them where I am. He will be a bridge between us rather than me just going straight to our parents,” I said.
“What are you going to have him tell them?”
I drew in a breath and looked down into my tea, hoping for some sort of answers to rise up to the surface. Instead, it was just the sweet, wonderful smell of the tea and the hot steam touching my skin. That was nice, but not what I needed. I let out the breath and looked back up at Derek.
“He can tell them where I am. As long as they understand in no uncertain terms I’m not coming back,” I said.
He nodded and leaned forward to kiss me. It was an incredible feeling to know I had his support and love no matter what.
My parents didn’t make any effort to contact me after Jack told them where I was. It seemed so out of character for them, I was almost offended they didn’t at least try to push into my life. Instead, they had Jack tell me they were glad I was doing alright and congratulations on the baby, and that was that.
I tried not to put much more thought into it for the rest of my pregnancy. There was enough to be worried and stressed about with the complications that kept me going back to my doctor and spending far more time in the hospital than I ever would have wanted to while carrying a baby.
I did everything I could to stay healthy and to stay pregnant for as long as possible, but preeclampsia ended that mission for me. As soon as my doctor saw my blood pressure soaring and couldn’t manage to bring it down even with intervention in the hospital for a couple of days, she told me they needed to get the baby out urgently to save both of us.
They wheeled me into the operating room while the anesthesia was still working on kicking in, then suddenly, she was there. Born two months early and so small she looked like she would fit in one of Derek’s hands, little Nicola was a miracle and a fighter from the second she emerged. She was already squeaking and flailing as much as she could, which made me feel more confident she was going to pull through and be alright.
Having to hand my new baby over to the NICU was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. I wanted my baby near me, to be able to hold her and comfort her as she fought to get stronger. It went so against my instincts to know she was struggling and not be the one to take care of her. It felt like as her mother I should be the one to give her everything she needed.
But as a mother, I also knew I wasn’t equipped to handle everything. I needed to trust those who were capable of giving her that care and to know they would do everything they could to make sure she would be coming home to me and her daddy soon.
That didn’t mean I just handed her over and stayed out of the way. We wouldn’t leave the hospital, staying in one of the parent rooms near the NICU instead. That meant Derek and I could be with Nicola for as much of every day and night they would allow me to.
That was where I was a week after Nicola’s birth when I got a call telling me someone was waiting for me at the reception desk. I figured it was one of Derek’s family, come to bring me food or other supplies like they did just about every day. But when I went down to the desk, I got what I imagined was the only thing that could have surprised me as much as my little girl’s sudden arrival.