Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71595 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 286(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
He could see all of it, but at the same time he didn’t.
These days, she was all he could see even when they were apart.
God.
Why couldn’t loving someone ever be simple?
Why did it always have to hurt?
“Senpai...”
Something in his voice must have given himself away, and Katerina suddenly started talking.
“If you’re at my dorm, you should know I’m not there.”
Fast.
“I actually rented out an AirBNB. It’s off Asakusa. You w-won’t have a hard time looking for it.”
Ah.
“Just turn right when you take the Ginza exit—-”
He couldn’t let her go on anymore.
“Senpai.” His voice was toneless.
But she only blocked his words out. “Then you’ll see a 7-11 and—-”
“I can’t come.” Unfortunately for her, he could do the same thing, too, and his fist clenched at the abrupt way her voice died.
God.
“I’m sorry.”
And just when he thought she wouldn’t ever speak again—-
“I k-knew I shouldn’t have let you speak.”
His eyes squeezed shut. Here they fucking go again. Katerina cracking a joke, because she knew if she hadn’t—-
He might have been the first one to break down between them.
Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to get on with it. “I’ve explained to the Nakagawas that I can’t marry their daughter. They’ve accepted our apologies, and my family’s aid in lieu—-”
“Then why,” she blurted out, “can’t you come tonight?”
“Our companies are celebrating the merger tonight, and Hikari asked that I stay for the party—-”
“I’m sure she’ll understand if you tell her—-”
“She told me it’s the last favor she’ll ever ask me,” Yuki cut her off tonelessly. “I’m hoping you’d understand.”
“I...see.”
And he could hear it in her voice that she did see. That she did understand, more than either of them wanted.
“What about your promise?” she whispered.
“I haven’t forgotten,” he said grimly. “But there’s nothing I can do. I have no choice. I’ll just head to wherever you are first thing tomorrow. It’s in Asakusa, right? And—-”
“You know it’s not that.”
There was no disappointment in her voice, not a single hint of accusation.
Just something else he didn’t want to hear, didn’t want to think about—-
Because if he did—-
“Be reasonable,” he grated out. “What difference does one day make?”
“Everything.”
Her voice caught in the end.
Fuck.
He heard her suck in her breath—-
And Yuki realized he had sworn out loud.
FUCK.
And now, he heard her choke back a cry—-
“Dammit, senpai.”
He knew he was lashing out, but how could he fucking not?
He knew where this was heading, and it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
If she just took the time to see things his way—-
“Don’t turn this into the past all over again,” he said savagely.
“I’m n-not.”
And this time, she wasn’t even bothering to hide the tears clogging her throat.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Bullshit.”
The tears turned into sobs, and Yuki smashed his fist into the wall.
God. Damn. It.
Did she think he didn't know why she was crying?
Did she think he didn’t hear that she was crying for him, hurting for him -—again?
“Y-Yuki—-”
“Don’t you fucking say my name like that.”
First thing he had done when he had gotten back to Japan was to not let anyone call him by that. He wanted it to be hers, just hers. He wanted to make sure he would never forget the way she said his name.
But if she was going to be saying his name like it was goodbye—-
Then she might as well call him Alexei like the rest.
“D-Did you really think I didn’t know this was a test?”
“I don’t fucking know what you’re talking about—-”
She laughed and cried, and it killed him to hear both.
“Who’s t-talking b-bull now?”
“It’s bullshit,” he snarled. “I said bullshit.”
But smart beautiful girl that she was, she didn’t let herself get sidetracked.
“Y-you’re a god, Yuki.”
He let out a hollow laugh.
“If you wanted out of that omiai with her, you could make it happen just like that.”
Snap.
Katerina snapped her fingers, but the sound of it killed him, too. It reminded him of just how fucking easy it was to lose someone—-
No matter how much you loved them.
No matter how much you didn’t want to leave.
“Because you’re a god.”
It was the same lame joke, but he knew she was just forcing herself to say it.
Because that was the kind of girl she was.
This girl he loved—-
Cracking a joke just to make him smile, just to stop him from hurting, even if it meant slicing her own throat.
“You could have ended it whenever, but you didn’t. Because you wanted to t-test me. You w-wanted these two weeks to see if I c-could be strong even when you’re away. Even when it’s the worst—-”
Ah God.
“And I accepted it,” she choked out. “I t-took the test because I wanted to prove to you that I’ve changed.”
Yuki whitened.
“But I don’t think...”
No. No. No.
“No matter how many times you test me, no matter how many times I prove to you—-”
“Don’t say it.” He realized he was practically begging her, realized he didn’t give a damn.