Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 125866 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 629(@200wpm)___ 503(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125866 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 629(@200wpm)___ 503(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
But it felt like she’d spoken to me in a foreign language, or like she’d garbled out some nonsense that didn’t equate to anything.
I didn’t breathe for the longest moment.
And then, I sucked in a breath that burned my lungs and made my eyes sting. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came. My lips trembled until I pressed them together again, and Madelyn broke at the sight of me, rolling her lips together as her eyes welled with tears that spilled down her face.
“You…” I started, but stopped immediately, my stomach flipping so violently I nearly lost my dinner. I stood, shaking my head, hands flying into my hair as I walked away from her in denial.
When I was on the opposite side of the room, I froze, numbness invading every inch of me as I tried to process.
I turned slowly to face her, and I didn’t know what hurt more — the crushing weight on my chest or the sight of her falling apart.
“I wasn’t mad at you that week,” she said, her voice trembling as she fought back tears. “I was terrified of losing you.”
“Losing me?” I let out a breath, shaking my head in disbelief. “Why… how could you ever lose me?”
“You were sixteen,” she cried. “You had your whole life ahead of you. You had football and a dream.”
“I had you, Madelyn.”
She shook her head, crying again as she looked at her hands. “I was just a kid, too. We both were. I had no idea how you would take it. I was afraid you’d hate me, that you’d be mad at me for stealing your life away.”
I was already shaking my head and walking toward her when she put up a hand to stop me.
“Wait,” she said, then she forced a deep breath. “I just… I needed time. So, I told my parents, and they told me no matter what I decided to do, they’d support me. I went to tell you, but your parents said you were sleeping. They saw how upset I was… I was crying…”
My hands curled into fists at my side.
“So, I told them, and… and they said they would tell you when you woke up, that they’d have you call me. They hugged me and swore it would all be okay.”
“Fuck!” I dragged my hands through my hair again, and then I couldn’t stand to be apart from her any longer. I knelt in front of where Madelyn sat on the bed, folding her hands in my own and kissing her knuckles as she looked down at me.
“I’m so sorry, Kyle,” she cried. “I should have told you. I should have—”
“You did, you tried. You trusted my parents to tell me and…” I went wide-eyed. “Oh, God. Madelyn, when you saw me at school on Monday…”
“I thought you hated me,” she sobbed. “And then you left and—”
I climbed up to sit next to her on the bed, pulling her into my arms and holding her to me in the tightest hug I could manage. One hand cradled her head against my chest, the other wrapped around to hold her to me, as if my arms could put the pieces back together, as if I could heal her when I now understood I had been the source of all her pain.
“I lost the baby,” she cried into my chest, her hands clinging to the fabric of my dress shirt. “And I lost you. And I lost myself. And now, realizing you didn’t even know… I… I…”
Fuck.
I couldn’t help it.
I broke.
Clutching Madelyn to me even harder, the first sob wracked my body, and that made Madelyn crack wide open, too. She clung to me, both of us crying like we were kids again, like this conversation and this room had transported us back to that time in our lives.
“Mads, I am so sorry,” I croaked, my chest splitting open with every word. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone. I’m so sorry I didn’t force you to talk to me, that I let my stupid anger get in the way of me running to you.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It’s not yours either.”
And maybe that was what hurt the most.
I pulled back, framing her face with my hands and swiping away the fresh tears I found there.
“You’re not mad at me?” she asked pathetically.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I shook my head, locking my eyes on hers as I bent to her level. “I’m furious, Madelyn, but not at you. Never at you.”
As if acknowledging my rage allowed it to burn brighter, I felt my chest squeeze in the way it did before I got into a fist fight. I saw red at the thought of my father. I had no doubt he was the one who told my mom what would be said to me. And then I cursed my mother, who no doubt didn’t have the spine to stand up to him and say no.