Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 136791 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136791 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
What if she decides she's tired of waiting for me to get my head out of my ass? At least some guy like the douche yesterday can be there for her. They're in the same school, doing the same shit every day.
"I wish you and Ma Lucia were here," I whisper, swallowing down the lump rising in my throat at the thought of losing January. "I'm not sure what you'd have to say about the situation, but I know you'd love January. You'd probably smack me on the back of the head and tell me to stop being an idiot."
"You aren't an idiot."
My eyes fly open to find January standing a few feet away, watching me. She's dressed in an oversized pink hoodie and a pair of skinny jeans with ballet slippers on her feet. Her hair is down and her bright pink fingernails match her hoodie. She offers me a sad smile, and I know she got about as much sleep as I did last night. Her eyes are still puffy from crying, with dark shadows beneath.
The sight makes me feel like an even bigger asshole.
She takes a couple of tentative steps in my direction and then stops.
"I am an idiot," I whisper, setting the flowers on my mom's grave and then wiping my hands on my pants. "I never should have said that shit to you yesterday, baby girl. That was fucked up."
"Why did you say it?" she asks, cocking her head to the side. She studies me intently, those bright emerald eyes flitting across my face like she genuinely wants to understand.
"I was jealous," I admit, swallowing hard. "I saw him with his arm around you, saw you laughing with him, and it made me so fucking jealous that he's there with you all the time and I'm not. You deserve someone who's there to make you that happy every day."
"He doesn't make me happy," she whispers, blinking rapidly. "He might have made me laugh, but he doesn't make me happy, Cade. You make me happy."
"I barely even see you anymore. I feel like shit because I miss you constantly."
"I miss you too." She bites her bottom lip, worry turning those green eyes a touch darker than normal. "Are you…do you regret being with me?"
"No! God no," I hurry to assure her. "I love you like crazy, January. I just feel like being with me is keeping you from living a full life. I worry that being with me is taking you away from the things you should be doing."
"Being with you is the best part of my life." She takes another couple of steps toward me and then sits directly across from me, pulling her legs up to her chest to wrap her arms around them. "I don't feel like I'm missing anything by being with you. Yeah, being away from you so much sucks, but I'm proud of you for working so hard to juggle everything you juggle." She watches me for a second. "Do you really feel like you're losing everyone?"
"You heard that?"
She nods.
"Yeah." I glance away from her, peering up at the nest of birds in the tree overhead instead. They're still running their mother ragged, taking turns popping out of the nest while she tries to push them back inside. "I've never had to face this day without Ma Lucia. I guess it just hit me that I don't have many people left. Titan barely talks to me anymore. I rarely see you." I shrug a shoulder. "After my mom died, I was completely alone for a while. It wasn't long, but I thought I'd be on my own forever, and then Ma Lucia found me in that group home. She became my family. So did you and Titan. Now she's gone, and it feels like I'm losing both of you too. I feel like I'm on my own all over again."
"Oh, Cade." January puts her hand on my leg. "You aren't alone, and you aren't losing me. I love you so much. I don't regret being with you. I've never wanted anyone but you."
"I don't trust Tony," I tell her, moving my gaze back to her to find her watching me with tears in her eyes. "You might not believe it, but he wants you. That's why he was flirting so hard with you."
"I don't want him though." She gives me a small frown. "I've never cheated on you. I would never cheat on you. You don't have to trust him, but you do have to trust me, Cade. You think I've never been jealous of the girls you go to school with? You're older, sexy as hell, and crazy smart. They all want to be with you, but I've never once thought you would cheat on me. Mandy Wright wanted you so bad when we were growing up. She talked all that crap about me because she was jealous you were with me. But I never once thought you'd cheat with her."