Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 136791 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136791 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
She locked memories of that night away, refusing to revisit them. And I don’t fucking blame her.
I’d kill to forget it, to be able to close my eyes and not see him lying on that fucking sidewalk. To not see him take his last breath, or hear her scream as if her soul was being ripped from her body.
Fuck.
“Explain,” she demands, her voice shaking. “Right now, Cade.”
I don’t know where the fuck to start. How have I never thought about what I'd say if this day ever came? All those nights I spent alone, staring up at the ceiling, wishing like hell she was in my arms…I never let myself think about what I'd say. I never let myself think we'd ever see each other again. If I had let myself imagine it, I wouldn't have been able to stay away.
“He was dealing for Kaleo for two years, baby girl.”
"You knew he was dealing.”
I nod.
"How long, Cade?"
"I found out the day you got accepted into UCLA.”
“Why?” Her face is so fucking pale.
I swallow hard, not wanting to tell her this. Fuck, I don’t want to tell her any of it. But this shit? This is going to fucking kill her.
“At first it was because he was worried you weren’t going to get your financial aid,” I rasp, hating the way she flinches. “I swear to God, I would have emptied that fucking trust fund for him if I knew why he was dealing, but he didn’t tell me."
"You knew," she says, mumbling the words like she's trying to fit them into place in her mind.
"He didn't want you to know. I should have told you the truth when I found out, but I didn't want the truth to ruin your relationship with him. I wanted to protect you from that. But I should have told you."
I push a hand through my hair and stand up to pace. As much as I hate that she's already distancing herself from me, I don't think I can sit still and tell her this shit. It's been eating away at my soul for seven goddamn years. I need to move, to think...
“My financial aid came through,” she says, her voice flat.
I nod again.
“Why’d he keep doing it then, Cade? If he was dealing to help me, why did he keep doing it?” She sounds so fucking lost.
This is the part... Fuck. This is the beginning of the end. This right here. Once I say this shit, it’s all over. Whatever she thinks she feels for me right now dies and there’s no putting out the fire it causes.
I burn in hell, and her hatred sends me there.
“He sacrificed himself to save me, January,” I say anyway, giving her the truth she’s always deserved. I can’t lie to her anymore. I can’t fucking keep it from her anymore. I love her more now than ever, and if I have to bleed to set her free, then I bleed.
She deserves peace and a chance to move on. She’s always deserved that. I’ve just been too goddamn selfish to give it to her. I can’t do that with her anymore, though. Even if it fucking kills me, I have to do right by her.
"I don't understand."
"I went after Kaleo the day Tony assaulted you," I confess. "I found him at home with a couple of his boys and I beat the hell out of him. I knew it would start a war, but I didn’t fucking care. He sent that motherfucker after you, and I was pissed.”
She wraps her arms around herself as if the memory of that day still hurts her too.
"Titan knew what would happen too. I think we spent most of our fucking time just waiting for the last straw with Kaleo. That was it. But Titan told me not to worry about it. That he’d deal with it. He was the one here all the fucking time.” I blow out a breath, raking a hand through my hair. “I didn’t ask any questions. I fucking should have, but I didn’t. He didn’t just start dealing to ensure you could afford to go to UCLA, baby girl. It was part of the deal he struck to keep Kaleo from coming after me.”
"Tell me," she demands as if she knows there's more. Two tears roll down her cheeks.
"The day of…that day," I amend when she flinches again, physically making herself smaller like that'll protect her from remembering what happened the day her brother and mother were murdered. "He told me that Kaleo wanted to push in on the Diablos. He refused at first, but Kaleo threatened to void their deal and come after me if he didn't fall in line. Titan thought I'd be out of here with you for good in a few months, so he agreed to do it. He was still fucking trying to protect me…to keep Kaleo from coming after me."