Total pages in book: 211
Estimated words: 201554 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1008(@200wpm)___ 806(@250wpm)___ 672(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 201554 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1008(@200wpm)___ 806(@250wpm)___ 672(@300wpm)
Somehow, I’m on the floor, lying on my back, staring at the ceiling when I return to reality, tears sticky on my cheeks. Every part of me hurts. I should have told him last night. I should have told him six years ago. I roll to my side and hoist myself to my feet and I do what I have done every time I’ve tried to survive this. I go to my desk and try to work. I’ll find out what that damn sequence is. I’ll find answers and somehow that will make this better, somehow that will make Eric forgive me. No, he won’t forgive me. He believes Isaac. He thinks I fucked his brother.
I dial him again and when he doesn’t answer, I burst into my confession on his voicemail. “I wanted to tell you. I just didn’t want you to think I was playing you and then you got all that money and I was afraid you’d think it was about money. I can’t make you believe me, but you know—I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you so I just have to tell you.” The phone beeps and disconnects. I let out a sound of utter frustration. God. No. I need to say this.
I dial the phone again and when the machine answers I pick up where I left off. “I got pregnant the night we were together six years ago. I know you pulled out, but you were inside me and it happened. I wasn’t with anyone else. I didn’t think you’d believe me and what would forcing you to believe me, achieve? It was too late to change what happened. I lost the baby.” The machine beeps again and I redial, my hand shaking as I do. The machine beeps again and I launch into the rest of the story. “When I missed my period, I thought it was stress, but then one night I was working late and suddenly I was bleeding. Lots of blood and Isaac was here and I was bad. I was hemorrhaging and—I had to let him help me. I didn’t even know what was happening. I was scared and when I found out there was a baby—” The machine beeps.
I sob with the pain of doing it like this, with reliving this but I dial again. “Bottom line,” I say when I can speak again. “I hated so much that Isaac was the one who helped me. And I really wanted that baby, our baby, but now I’m damaged goods anyway. I don’t even know if I can have kids. They said—”
The machine beeps and tears stream down my cheeks. I can barely take this but I started down this path. I have to finish. I dial again and this time the call goes straight to voicemail. Eric turned off his phone. Obviously, he’s tired of me calling. I force the words out. I start talking again. “Eric,” I whisper. “I didn’t betray you like everyone else in this family. Have Blake hack my medical records. If I was with Isaac and he was the father, why would I fight the ER staff and insist that I couldn’t be pregnant? Why wouldn’t I put him down on the medical records? I just—I need you to know that I didn’t betray you. You matter to me. You’ve always mattered to me and I regret that I didn’t call you. I regret—”
The line beeps and I add, “So much,” even though he can’t hear me. My emotions overflow and I throw my phone, pain behind the force that smashes it against my door. My emotions are suffocating me. I can’t take it.
I stand up, not sure where I’m going, but I need to occupy my mind. I need to escape this feeling. I need to escape the pain. The sequence, I tell myself. Think about it. Think about the message. Figure out what it means. I start walking, exiting my office and walking toward the human resources office. I enter the dark office and search through files, looking for a clue. An hour later, I have nothing. I stand up again and walk toward the warehouse. That sequence has to relate to production in some way. I enter the warehouse that is now empty, as we don’t run winter night shifts.
I start walking the assembly lines, looking for that fourteen-digit sequence, checking every possible place: on the parts, on the vehicles, in the paperwork at each station. I’m at this for a good half hour when I decide the foreman’s office is where I need to be. I hurry that direction and I’m about to enter his office when the lights go out. I freeze in the utter, complete darkness, sucking in a breath, and willing myself to remain calm. It’s a power outage. Nothing more. I reach for my purse that’s not with me, but in my office, right along with my destroyed phone.