Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 77717 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77717 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
But it’s not that easy. Ella will be older, but I’ll still have to find a way to pay for daycare and then find someone to help me in the evenings so I could study and do homework. Paying for daycare on my salary right now is damn near impossible; there is no way I could pay for daycare and school. Oh, and still squeeze in time to work. Because I’ll have to pay for shit somehow.
I smile, tell my boss and my friend thank you regardless. Nobody likes a wallower, so I’ll wallow in sorrow at home by myself. Because there really is no way for me to go to vet school.
I’ve been told that the best laid plans sometimes fail, but I think it goes farther than that. The more you plan, the more you try to get things just right, the more off course you go. And then the clear path you were counting on disappears beneath your feet and suddenly you’re alone in the forest, unable to see a way out.
I get home from work Tuesday exhausted, sore, and sad. The temperature has dropped, and gray clouds have moved across the October sky. Not feeling like making dinner, I get a bowl of ice cream, a big glass of lemonade, and plop on the couch, crying as I eat.
I miss Noah. I want him back. I want Ella to grow up with her father, and I want her father to be good. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, right?
Life doesn’t work that way.
Instead of watching one of my cherished Disney movies, I search Netflix for something more violent. Because right now I’m feeling like the fairytale endings are even more unrealistic than wild animals cleaning the house.
My phone rings, and my heart jumps. Noah has called more than once, and I’ve watched his calls go to voicemail each time. I’m not strong enough to talk to him, not yet. If I hear his voice I’ll cave. And I can’t. I have to be strong for Ella.
“Hello,” I say to my mother, more disappointed than relieved it wasn’t Noah calling.
“Hey, honey. I didn’t hear from you yesterday. How are you feeling?”
I open my mouth, wanting to tell my mom everything. She’ll come over and I’ll have a good cry session, and when she’s leaves I’ll feel better, even if it’s just for the night. “I’m fine,” I lie before I have time to think about it. Maybe I’m not ready to face the fact that Noah really isn’t coming back into my life the way I want him to. Saying it out loud makes it more real. “Just tired from work.”
“Have you thought about cutting down on your hours yet?”
“Uh…” Yeah. I had. And was going to, back when I thought I could count on Noah for financial support. I’m sure glad I dodged that bullet, even though it feels like it hit me. Right in the heart. “Yeah, I will soon. Everyone at work babies me.” I consider telling her about vet school too, but chose not to solely because I’m too tired to bring up those emotions. Again.
I chat with my mom for a few more minutes, hating lying to her the whole time. I end up falling asleep on the couch and wake up stiff. A hot shower helps loosen my muscles, then I’m off to work again. We’re busy with surgeries and two walk-in emergencies Wednesday, and the day actually goes by pretty fast, thankfully. I’m limited in what I can do now, which often leads to boredom, and boredom leads to my mind wondering.
I take the dogs to the dog park after work, leaving them there while I go grocery shopping. I keep myself busy and distracted enough that I don’t feel like I’m dying from a broken heart.
I go to bed early, hoping I can sleep away some of the pain, but I’m woken by my phone ringing at eleven PM.
It’s Colin.
What the fuck? He rarely calls, let alone this late. My hand shakes when I pick up the phone, scared something happened to my family.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Lauren. Are you at home?”
“Yes, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he says and hesitates.
“Then why did you call and wake me up.”
He inhales but doesn’t speak.
“Colin!” I exclaim. If nothing is wrong, then I’m pissed for being woken up. “Are you drunk dialing me or something?”
“I wish. Noah got in an accident.”
It feels like I’ve been dunked in ice water. “Is he okay?”
“Yeah. He’s pretty banged up and needed a few stitches, but he’ll be fine. I just took him home. He said you guys got in a fight and he didn’t think you’d come get him, but I know you. You could hate the guy and you’d still go, and you’d probably spend the night just to make sure he’s okay. That’s all he would say. What the hell did he do?”