Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 95080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
“That’s nuts.”
“It was, but no one knew until Turi’s funeral that he and Breckin were in love.”
I leaned forward, grabbed his hand, and held it tight. He rolled his hand in my grip so he was holding mine back. “Is that when you found out too?”
He shook his head. “No. It was when Turi’s mother sent me to his room before the funeral to get what clothes I thought he should be buried in.”
“What you thought?”
“Yeah,” he replied softly, squeezing my hand tighter. “She was…she was upset because in his note… She’d had no idea he was gay.”
“Oh. What did she do?”
“Almost all his stuff went to Goodwill the following day. I took his journals, his letters, his drawings, some of his clothes—everything I could grab when I left.”
“And then what?”
“I took the clothes to the funeral home.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry.”
His eyes had filled and were sparkling with tears. “I saw the rest of his things getting picked up the next day.”
I sat quietly, listening.
“She saw me out there, in my car, watching, and when she came to the window, she gave me his gold St. Christopher medal.”
“That was nice.”
“Yeah, I’d wondered where it was, but I guess he had taken it off before he hung himself in his closet, so she had it. She told me she was glad that he died because his choice to love men went against God’s law, but that she knew I wasn’t filthy like Breckin, so she wanted me to have it.”
“Oh. So no one knew about him and Breckin?”
“No. Nobody did except Breckin’s folks. He told me he came out to them a week before, and then at the reception after the funeral at the country club, he came out to everyone.”
I could only imagine how hard that had been for Breckin.
“You know, Mr. and Mrs. Carrera would have disowned Turi if he’d lived, so it was so hypocritical to see them at the reception, talking to me and all his friends, other parents, acting like they gave a damn. I hated every minute of it.”
I cleared my throat. “So he left a note, and in it he said he and Breckin were in love.”
“Yes.”
“Then I don’t get why he would kill himself, since Breckin loved him back, right?”
Releasing my hand, Lucien leaned back from the table. “Like I said, Breckin had told his folks about Turi a week before, and they dropped a bomb on him.”
“Which was what?”
“They told him if being gay was his choice, he could pay for college on his own because they certainly wouldn’t. They didn’t approve of what they felt was his lifestyle choice, so they were cutting him off.”
“But Breckin paid for college himself. I know he did. So what happened?”
“Apparently, he and Turi had this big coming-out planned at Breckin’s graduation party, but Breckin broke up with him instead.”
“Why?”
“If Breckin wanted to go to school, he needed his parents’ money.”
“But wait.” I had to get it straight in my head. “Breckin broke up with Turi, Turi committed suicide because of that, and then Breckin left anyway and hadn’t seen his parents in eighteen years, until now. And he didn’t take their money.”
“He couldn’t, not after Turi died.”
“Oh my God.”
“Yeah. I remember he called me, told me he was sorry he and Turi had kept their relationship a secret from me, but now that Turi was gone, he couldn’t live a lie. He owed it to Turi not to do that.”
“I wish he would have had that revelation when Turi was still alive. That’s so sad.”
“Yes,” Lucien agreed, nodding. “I’ve always thought the same thing.”
“That’s a horrible story.”
“I’m sorry to have—”
I stopped him. “No, no. Thank you for sharing it with me. I just… I feel so bad for you and for Turi.”
“Not Breckin?”
“Yeah, Breckin too,” I said thoughtfully. “I mean, the guilt had to have been staggering.”
“I think it was for a while, but now, with friends like you and his relationship with Celia, maybe he doesn’t think about Turi much anymore.”
I was about to argue when he said, “Has he ever mentioned Turi to you?”
“No. This is the first I’m hearing of this.”
He nodded. “You see?”
“But I don’t think it’s because he forgot him. You know Breckin, he’s not like that.”
He was quiet.
“Lucien?”
“Sorry,” he said quickly, forcing a smile.
“May I ask you a question?”
“Please.”
“Were you in love with Turi?”
He wiped at his eyes. “How did you know?”
I shrugged. “It just seems like it.”
“I was, very much.”
“Did Breckin know?”
“Yeah, he did because I told him.”
“It must have been hard to find out they were in love.”
“It was. And with Turi killing himself because of Breckin…”
“I don’t mean to be insensitive,” I said gently, “but Turi killed himself for his own reasons. I’m so sorry that happened, and I wish Turi had a better support system so it wouldn’t have even occurred to him, but no one can make you kill yourself. It’s not Breckin’s fault.”