Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 60418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 302(@200wpm)___ 242(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60418 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 302(@200wpm)___ 242(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
After a while, he murmured, “You’re right that I was furious when I found out you were turning tricks, but I wasn’t really angry with you.” Oh hell, we were still on this subject.
“What do you mean?”
“When I thought about the men who were paying you for sex, I saw red. I wanted to find every last one of them and punch them in the face. I know that’s totally irrational, but that’s how I felt. On top of that, I was angry and disappointed in myself, and it sort of spilled over onto you. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“Why were you angry at yourself?”
“Because all I’ve ever wanted was to protect you and keep you safe, and I failed. You wouldn’t have had to turn to prostitution if I’d taken better care of you,” he murmured. “You wouldn’t have had to let men who were in no way worthy of you use your body for their own gratification. You’re worth so much more than that.”
“It’s not your job to protect me,” I said quietly. “You seem to forget I’m an adult.”
“I haven’t forgotten that. But you’re also the most precious thing in the world to me, Seth.”
“I am?”
“Of course you are, and it’s very confusing.”
“What’s confusing?”
“All the things I feel for you,” he mumbled.
It almost felt like I was hallucinating this conversation, and I really wished I was sober. He was saying all this important stuff, but I wasn’t sure if I was interpreting any of it correctly.
He sat up and gave me a hug. Both of us lingered in each other’s arms for a long moment. When he pulled back to look at me, there was a lot of emotion in his eyes.
It seemed like he was struggling with something, but I didn’t know what that could be. Finally, he got up and said, “I think I need to lie down.” Then he went into his bedroom, and I stared after him.
What had just happened?
He’d called me the most precious thing in the world to him, but what did that mean, exactly? Someone could say that about a child, or a dog. It didn’t mean he had a romantic interest in me. But then he’d said that bit about all the things he felt for me, and I had no idea what to make of that, either.
With a sigh, I curled up on the couch. After all those years of being in love with someone who only loved me as a friend, I just couldn’t get my hopes up. It would be devastating to think I actually had a chance with him, only to realize it had been nothing but wishful thinking.
Eden emerged from his room a few hours later, just as I was putting the finishing touches on a spaghetti dinner. “That smells terrific,” he said.
“There’s a big salad, too,” I told him, as I gestured toward the set table.
“Sorry I didn’t help with dinner. I ended up falling asleep. It seems day drinking and I are incompatible.”
“No worries. This was easy to make.” As I transferred the pasta to a serving bowl, I asked, “Want to go for a walk after dinner? It looks like there’s a storm rolling in, so this might be our last chance to get outside for a while.”
“Good idea. I really need some exercise.”
Eden ate a huge salad for dinner with a side of pasta, and I did the opposite. He also called Casey on a video chat and told him about the broken down truck and how we were stuck in northern Utah. “Oh man.” My brother sounded wistful. “I’d love to be stuck in a cabin by a river! That’s a bummer about the truck, but make the most of it.”
“That’s what I said,” I told him. “Even if this wasn’t planned, we might as well enjoy it.”
After dinner, we said goodbye to Casey, then quickly cleaned up the kitchen before heading out. It was windy, overcast, and shortly before dusk, and both of us zipped up our hoodies as we made our way along a dirt path that followed the river.
I could tell Eden had something he wanted to say, and I waited patiently while he got his thoughts in order. Finally, about fifteen minutes into our walk, he told me, “I said some stuff earlier, when we were drinking. I don’t think any of it came out right. What I meant to say is that I care about you, Seth, and finding out you were a sex worker stirred up a lot of conflict in me. I guess I’m still trying to work through that.”
After a pause, I said, “My clients weren’t taking advantage of me, or using me, or however you put it. That job was actually really empowering, and it taught me a lot of important lessons.”