Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 105301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 527(@200wpm)___ 421(@250wpm)___ 351(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 527(@200wpm)___ 421(@250wpm)___ 351(@300wpm)
“Babe, you need to come here. I can’t leave the kids.”
“Did you take it?” My voice is muffled by the foetal position in which I’m holding my body.
“I can’t hear you; come here.”
“Did you move the DVD?” I lift my head, tears streaming down my face.
His silence finally draws me from my protective position. I stand upright and make my way to the stairs. He stands at the bottom, frozen in place and staring up at me with blank, almost lifeless eyes and pale skin.
“Did you?”
“I wouldn’t. He waits for me to go down before racing up after me. The sound of drawers sliding open and slamming shut brings the kids to where I stand. Dillan grips the bars of the stairgate and Emily clings to my leg. “Did you put it somewhere else maybe?”
“No. It’s always been there.”
He continues looking around before coming back down, looking dishevelled and panicked. “We haven’t had a break in.” His shoulder accidentally bumps mine as he goes into the room and checks the cabinet full of DVDs and books. “We’d have noticed.”
I let out a sob. “That’s why…”
“What?” He looks at me for a brief second, pulling DVDs off the shelf. I see his face get paler.
“I’m so sorry,” I whimper and press my hand to my aching heart. “Nathan, I am so sorry. I never should have left her alone.”
“That’s all she wanted, wasn’t it?” His voice is monotone as he sits back onto his knees and surveys the mess of cases on the ground around him. “She used us, tricked us and the kids, to keep him out of prison.”
“How did they know we had it?” I ask, stepping into the room, feeling lost and out of breath. “How do they know we haven’t made a copy? How did she know where it was?”
He doesn’t answer; he continues to stare blankly at the cases. I kick them out of the way and crouch down in front of him.
“Nathan…”
“It doesn’t matter,” he whispers and stands abruptly. “There’s no use dwelling on it. Come on, the kids need dinner.”
I watch him leave, his tense body taking long, eager strides to remove him from the room.
“Nathan,” I say quietly, softly, as I follow him close behind. “It’s…”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“We have to.”
“We don’t!” He snaps, his voice loud and his tone final. “I don’t ever want to discuss this again. It’s done.”
That spiteful, vile bitch. “I know you’re hurting.”
“Then you don’t know me well.”
Ouch. “I’ll give you space.”
“I don’t need space.” He turns to me, his eyes blazing. “I need you to help me make dinner and to just go back to normal.”
“Please…”
“Wipe that pity from your eyes, Gwen. I can’t stand it. I don’t want it and I don’t need it.”
“Don’t shut yourself away from me.”
“I’m not. Why are you forcing me to confront something that isn’t even bothering me? It’s over.”
“The hell it is,” I mutter, seething with anger, not at him but at this situation. “I’ll kill her.”
“What’s the point?” He turns away and begins rooting through the cupboards before grabbing a bag of pasta and dropping it onto the side. “They’ve won; it’s over. Let’s just safeguard our children and learn from this. Okay?”
“I can’t believe this is happening,” I whisper to myself, though I know he hears it because he laughs. “Oh I can.” His hands frantically rip at the bag and he dumps too much pasta into a sauce pan. He has yet to boil the kettle but I don’t think he’s realised. He’s too consumed by the hurt I know is eating at him. “Of course she didn’t come back because she could ever love me or my kids. I’m a fool.”
“You are not a fool.”
“Aren’t I? I lied to you because deep down,” he turns and looks at me with a weary gaze, “I knew this would happen and I didn’t want to face the pity you’d give me, the pity in your eyes right now.”
“That’s not…”
“Because why, after years of torment, years of begging her and him to let me stay with my brother, would she suddenly be there for me? Why?” He yells and steps towards me. “Because clearly I haven’t been punished enough, have I?” His hands grab my biceps and hold tight. Fingers bite into my arms but the pain is nothing compared to the throbbing in my chest. My heart is truly breaking, for him, not for me. “My entire childhood was stolen from me. I have no good memories. I’m a mess, Gwen, a mess. And the one time, the one time I let myself believe that things might actually be going perfectly, it gets ripped away.”
“You don’t need her; you have us.”
“Is it so wrong?” He asks sadly and his voice breaks. His brown eyes shimmer and a tear slowly leaves a shiny trail as it falls from his lashes and onto his cheek. “Is it so wrong that I just wanted her to love me?”