Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 126589 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 633(@200wpm)___ 506(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126589 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 633(@200wpm)___ 506(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
He swiped at his cheeks with the back of his wrist and pushed to his feet.
“I’ll leave you. Thank you for giving me the chance to explain.”
Beth watched in astonishment as the big, dumb man walked to the front door, with an air of abject martyrdom wafting all around him.
Oh, for heaven’s sake. He could be so damned dramatic at times.
He was at the door before she finally found her voice.
“So you fully intend to leave without allowing me to get a word in edgewise? Again? Are you shitting me right now, Gideon?”
He froze, his hand stilling on the doorhandle. She watched him straighten his shoulders and turn toward her like a prisoner on death row preparing to face a firing squad.
She got up and walked toward him, until only three feet separated them. She took an additional step back when she realized she would get a crick in her neck trying to talk to him from this close.
“I’m not going to lie, Gideon, you hurt me. So much.” He winced, but didn’t say anything, remaining stoic as he took what he likely assumed was his well-deserved punishment. “You deliberately stripped me of my voice. You knew exactly how to do it. It was a weapon I’d handed you weeks ago, when I first told you about my stutter, and you used it with ruthless ease. I felt so powerless in that moment. So small and weak. Which is why I had such a hard time last night believing that you could possibly love me. Nobody who truly loves somebody would make them feel that way.”
His throat worked on a hard swallow. His skin was pasty. He looked ill, but he said nothing in his defense. There was nothing to say really. Not when he had done everything she had just described with malice and intent.
“It was indefensible,” he whispered, screwing his eyes shut as if to banish the memory from his brain.
“How did you feel afterward?”
“Like dirt. Sick to my stomach. I will never forgive myself for it.”
“It’s not your place to forgive yourself, Gideon,” she corrected him tartly. “It’s mine.”
She sighed heavily. “Will you ever do that to me again?”
“I can barely live with myself now, Beth. Doing it twice would destroy what’s left of my soul.”
“Is that a no?”
“Of course, it’s a fucking no. I see that devastated expression on your face every night when I close my eyes. I hate that I made you cry. I would sell my fucking soul to have that moment back and do everything differently.”
“I believe you,” she said, and his jaw dropped as he stared at her in disbelief. Her words—the opposite of last night’s devastating denial—stunned him into silence. “And I’ve decided to forgive you, Gideon.”
“How?” he whispered, his eyes once again bright with tears. “Why?”
“Because somebody has to. And I think it’s going to take a while for you to forgive yourself.”
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
“You have it anyway.”
“But…why?”
She smiled at his agonized question and stepped toward him, uncaring of the crick in her neck, if it meant feeling his heat again.
“Because of those.” She jerked a thumb toward her kitchen counter and watched as his eyes followed the movement and he finally appeared to notice his sketches laid out on every available inch surface. “Because I could see the truth in them. I could see how much you love me. They’re like a step-by-step guide of Gideon falling hard for Beth. And I love them because I was right there with you…every step of the way.”
“You were?”
“Oh, yes. How did you put it? ‘Enmity, friendship, and intimacy’? You didn’t add the final step, Gideon. Enmity, friendship, intimacy, and love. I was there for that. I fell too. And that’s why you were able to hurt me so badly. That’s why it’s been so hard to forgive you. But if I don’t forgive you—if you don’t eventually forgive yourself—then we’ll have to give up on this. Give up on us. And I’m not quite prepared to do that yet. At least not until after my pond is built.”
He laughed, but it sounded more like a sob. A wet tearing sound that came from the depths of his tattered soul.
“And after my pond is done, I really think you should probably do something about that pergola.”
His lips twitched. “I’m starting to think you want me around for just my handyman skills.”
“Definitely.” Another small step toward him, and this time his arms came up to loosely wrap around her waist. She smiled and placed her palms on his chest.
“Fine, but you’ll owe me for that. I’m thinking cake, cupcakes, a little flirty window dancing every night after dark.”
“As long as you keep flexing that ass and abs for me every morning,” she said agreeably.
“Are you sure about this, Beth?” he asked, suddenly uncertain. “Because I don’t think I’ll survive the devastation if you change your mind.”